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“Okay, Rainbow, this is gonna be easy. Nopony beats the Dash in any kinda race. Even if that pony is Derpy, and even if that race is a mail-delivering race.”

Rainbow Dash continued to reassure herself as she stretched out her wings. Looking around the crowd that had gathered, she caught a glimpse of Twilight, and cast her mind back to the advice her friend had given her a week ago.

“Rainbow, your speed gives you a huge advantage, but don’t forget to plan a route out for the race. Remember, Bright Eyes has been doing this for years, and she’s never been late even once!”

The egghead may not know much about speed, but remembering how soundly she had beaten Dash during the running of the leaves, she decided to take the advice to heart, and had spent hours figuring out an effective route around the town.

“ON YOUR MARKS!”

Pinkie’s megaphone-enhanced words brought her back to the race at hand. She looked around at Derpy, whose eyes were both focused straight ahead.

“SET, GO!”

Dash took off, leaving a cloud of dust behind her. As the dust settled, the crowd could see Derpy still standing, a single eye veering to the left. Seemingly remembering what she was doing, she shook her head and took flight, going in the complete opposite direction to Rainbow.

Less than a minute later, Rainbow Dash received her “runners up” cupcake from Derpy.

“I still don’t get it! How the hay did you get around the whole town faster than me! I’m the fastest flier in Equestria!”

Derpy thought for a second, then replied,

“Well, the most efficient route around Ponyville is an exercise in combinatorial optimization, or more specifically, the Travelling Salespony Problem. There are only 37 houses in Ponyville, meaning a simple iteration through all possible permutations is completely feasible, despite its complexity of order n factorial. So although the 5.8 seconds it took me to calculate did give you a head start, I made up for it by having a vastly more efficient route!”

“…huh?” Dash asked, stunned.

“…wha?” Derpy replied, equally confused.

Fluttershy looked around her cottage.  She breathed a sigh of relief: Angel wasn't here.  She loved the bunny, of course, but she didn't want him to see her now.  It had been a rough day, and she needed some "me" time.

She had a checklist for days like this.  She picked up the habit from Twilight, though she would never tell her what it was for.  The doors were locked, the curtains were drawn, check.  She set up a few cushions next to the fireplace and opened the chimney flue.  She didn't bother with firewood, instead lighting a vanilla scented candle.  Only then did she retrieve the carrot from its hiding spot.

It looked normal from a distance.  It was only up close that a seam became visible along the top.  She twisted it open, shaking out a tiny ‘one hitter’ pipe and a plastic baggie.  Lifting the bag in her mouth, she estimated its weight.  Good, Angel had restocked.  She didn't need much, and hopefully he wouldn't miss it.

Having her secret shame in the open made her nervous, so she worked quickly.  A tiny nugget of the pungent contents of the bag was tapped out.  Settling down on her cushions, she leaned over and lit up on the candle.  She took one long draw, instantly using up its contents.  It would be plenty for her.  She counted to ten, slowly, then exhaled.  She coughed, lightly.  Within minutes, she finally started to relax.  She found it hard to relax, sometimes.  It wasn't until she had discovered Angel's little secret that she realized how stressed she felt most of the time.  The scary parts of the world receded, and she felt calm.  She started giggling, quietly.  It was some time before she stopped.

It was surprisingly warm.

Big Macintosh didn't tire easily- he had taken over as the farm's muscle when he was no bigger than a filly and, ever since that first fall afterwards, when Granny Smith was laid up the first time and could only remind him the order the groves had to be bucked in between hollering at AJ to get back inside and tend to her sister, he'd made a habit of just leaving the heavy old yoke on all day, sometimes falling asleep without hanging it up. He liked getting things done right the first time, which is why, despite the promise of a new growing season, he wasn't too keen on all the town talent earth ponies who came to help with the Winter Wrap-Up.

It was harder for him to sleep in than just get going before dawn when his body would wake whether he wanted to or not, but it had become traditional for at least five things to go wrong, and this year they'd left him crossing the whole farm twice every hour well into the night. Somewhere around getting Winona out of a tree (with a short stare at the young pegasus who had thought it might be helpful) the stars shifted from middle-of-the-night to far-too-early-in-the-morning. After one last trot round the barn, he'd headed off to repair the fence that had been damaged in the sudden snow slide that afternoon.

Now Big Mac felt himself squinting against the sun on his face and, as he came out of half-sleep into half-waking, the sound of somepony's tail swishing and something brushing against his side. He opened his eyes and saw a blur of messy flaxen hair out of the corner of his eye and felt what he now realized was a blanket being tugged across his back.

"Ecgodcruhked," Coconut tried to speak around the fabric clenched in his teeth, "Idinn-" he dropped the blanket and turned to face the larger stallion, "I didn't want to wake you, but I guess you're awake now."

Big Mac looked past the Balehamian pony, at the hill on the left with two or three patches or stubborn snow and the town, orange and pink in the distance. He could hear barking and one of Applejack's friends laughing, and it really did smell like spring. He looked back at Coconut, noticing the fence next to him wasn't as straight as if Big Mac had fixed it himself, but was a far sight better than he fuzzily remembered from last night.

"Eeeyup."

The Object

another fever-tired production by MyLittleBrony

Twilight Sparkle was busy reading in her library as she heard a light knocking sound. She closed her book and began trotting towards the door, now opening it with her magic as she prepared to greet her unexpected guest.

“H-hello T-Twilight...” the shy, yellow pegasus managed to blurt out, stammering. “We... uhm...”

A blue blur leaving a rainbow trail behind flew in through the door and landed on the opposite side of the room.

“So, I was helping Fluttershy look for one of her chickens that had ran off into the Everfree Forest, when we found this... really strange thingy. It’s most certainly magical, we thought you maybe would like to have a look at it. I’ve never seen anything like it before!” Rainbow Dash said with great enthusiasm.

“Great, we can bring it here to my library so I can study it!” Twilight responded.

“Well, in that case we might need some help, it’s really big and probably heavy too.”

After gathering Applejack and Rarity to help with pulling and magical levitating respectively, they soon sat on the floor of the treehouse.

It was a peculiar thing indeed. Perfectly cube shaped, three feet tall, made out of a hard, shining material. Flashing lights, odd-looking buttons and levers and bright displays with strange symbols decorating it. A faint *beep* could be heard every second or so.

“Hey, what’s that? What does the red button do?” said a bouncing pink pony that seemed to have appeared out of nowhere.

“Pinkie? Don’t touch any-” Twilight's words were too late, as the giggling filly already had begun to press random buttons. The others watched in horror as the object started to glow and beep intensely.

A loud explosion echoed through all of Equestria as Ponyville was razed to the ground. The End.

Spike gave a heavy sigh as Twilight and the others galloped towards the mountain to deal with the dragon, it's black ash clouds covering the sky.

Spike thought about asking if he could come instead of looking after Angle and Fluttershy's other animal friends, but in all honesty he wouldn't really know to say... It was such a long time since he'd seen another dragon...

"Momma?" Spike cried in a terrified whisper, the great purple beast lay there unmoving, emerald eyes open but glazed, crimson liquid pooling from the wound in her neck.

"Hatchling, here" Her normally strong direct tone now just a murmur to the baby dragon's ears. Spike ran to his mother's side.

"You must, travel to light" Her breathing getting more and more rapid.

"Away from cave. Away from them." The quite shuffling growing louder and louder every second.

They came silently from down bellow, in a large swarm. By the time Spike's mother woke they were already upon her and her children. She had thrashed and raged against them, but not being a particularly large or old dragon, she could only do so much against their numbers. She manged to destroy them but not before the damage was done, now with only Spike left and her mortally wounded she could hear more slowly shuffle out from deeper within the cave.

She should have heard them, she should have been more alert but besides their shuffle they made no noise, not even breath.

"Go Spike"

"But, Mo-" "Do as you are told and go!" she roared using the last or her strength, "ALWAYS DO AS YOUR TOLD!" as she positioned herself in front of the hole the monstrosities came from, she might not be able to fight but at least she could give her last child some time.

So Spike ran for the surface.

Living Dead Ponies

by Laref

The sun rose without incident that first day. Nopony knew what would happen. The groans? Probably just some cows passing by. Applejack was always up early, she would get them along. Poor ponies. They found out all too late.

Terrified screams woke Twilight from her sleep. She bolted out of bed, leaving Spike sleeping in his. Her door swung open, revealing chaos not unlike the Parasprite Incident. Ponies ran in all directions. Huddled in the middle of the main road, though, was a small group of sickly looking ponies. Twilight ran towards them, calling ahead to see if they needed help.

The sight that awaited her was horrifying; Applebloom lay in a pool of her own blood, her small body missing chunks of flesh. Twilight fought the urge to vomit as the sickly ponies around Applebloom’s body continued to take bites of her.

She reacted faster than the others. She had the means to figure out how to destroy these beasts. But the toll was already great. Applejack, Big MacIntosh, Granny Smith… Applebloom meant so much to them. And they had protected her.

Night soon came. Twilight had gathered as many ponies as she could inside the library. A lot of Ponyville was here, but too many faces were missing. The Apple family for one. Rarity was comforting Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo over Applebloom’s death now. Fluttershy had gone missing in the chaos. Nopony wanted to say it, but she was most likely gone. Pinkie Pie was chattering with other ponies, helping to keep them calm.

Rainbow Dash was hurt. She had flown up to Cloudesdale for help. The creatures were there too. Rainbow’s wings were torn from here as she tried to get away. She was feverish now.

I can hear them thumping outside. They have found my new hideaway, and I must flee now.

The Competition

by Nukeman

Rainbow Dash looked towards the cliff where all the ponies were watching her. She looked down onto the forest below, and took a deep breath. She dived off the cloud. The wind rushed through her mane and her fur as she picked up speed in the dive. She opened her left wing a little and maneuvered towards a cloud. She hit the cloud and with an explosion of white and it was turned into water. She opened her right wing and maneuvered towards a second cloud and preformed the trick again. She exhaled, she was ready. She began to spin faster and faster as she headed towards the ground leaving a spiraling rainbow behind her. She broke out of the spin and turned up as she did her belly lightly brushed against the top branch of a tree. She shot up, coming in close to the cliff. She could feel her breath as she flew parallel to it. She dodged an outcropping by a hair. Perfectly calm she zigzagged through the rocky outcroppings of the cliff. She closed her eyes and felt the air moving around her she dodged another outcropping enjoying the bump in the air it made as she passed close to it. Moving faster in her climb parallel the cliff she flew up into clear sky. She landed in front of a crowd of ponies watching her performance. A roar erupted from the crowd as she landed. She blushed as she headed into a pit with the other flyers were waiting. She waited in the pit in endless anticipation. The announcer came back on “The judges have decided. Ms. Rainbow Dash is the winner of the Cliffs Point flyers competition!” Rainbow Dash smiled as she went out to receive her trophy and her fans.

The Never-Ending Sacrifice

“Raaaarrghhuuuahh!”  It was a warrior’s primal scream, after vanquishing a foe in combat.  The Klingon Chancellor had been brash, reckless, truth be told was growing unpopular, and few begrudged his defeat to the victorious challenger who dropped the blood-stained bat’leth.  

“No, I’ve got MY eyes on YOU”

*******************

It should have been standard procedure for Major Kira’s runabout to return from the Gamma Quadrant.  Suddenly, the station was bathed in the wrong spectacular show of lights.  The wormhole was gone.

“Sisko to ops. Dax, tell me what’s going on.”

There was stunned silence with the loss of their fellow officer, and it took a moment to comprehend the readings that were all off.  

“Captain, that’s not Bajor.”

********************

The grim-faced Cardassian passed by two officers fresh out of the holosuites and caught up in another friendly debate.  “Medical knowledge?  Not the least of it.  With that teleportation they’ve shown us, our transporter science alone could be advanced by decades.”

Quark was having a more uncomfortable conversation:  “Now constable, there’s no contraband here.  Only the latest shipment of luxuries - new customers’ tastes.”  

“Sarsaparilla,” Odo growled, “a likely story.”

Despite the precariousness of the situation, the exile considered opportunities he might unravel, given Central Command’s prior views on Bajor.  Now Starfleet was preparing a mysterious assignment to work with this new ambassador.

 “Please, you know I’m just a simple tailor, what would I know about matters like that?”

“No games, Mr. Garak.  And we’ve already found somebody to take over your shop.”

His curiosity wasn’t satisfied as he proceeded into the conference room.  All around it was decorated in the brightest, most festive colors, such garishness.  Perhaps this task could use his talents after all, rather than the shallow façade of Federation diplomacy.  Then came the greeting:

“Hi, I’m Pinkie Pie”

“Good morning, Twilight!” Spike yelled.

        “Wha?” the purple unicorn mumbled groggily, she opened her eyes to find Spike sitting on her chest. “Spike..?”

        “That’s me!”

        “But you’re never up before me...”

        “What, I can’t get up early?” He leapt to the ground. “Besides, I wanted to get an early start!”

        “Start on what?”

        “Oh....nothing.” he smirked.

        Twilight eyed him for a bit. “Alright..” she got out of bed. “Well, as long as I’m up, we may as well have breakfast.”

        Twilight walked into the kitchen, with Spike at her heels, bouncing the whole way.

        “Well, you’re happy today!” she remarked, opening a nearby cupboard, various ingredients floated out and arranged themselves on the table.

        “What?...oh, yeah, I suppose I am.” he said innocently.

        “Yes. I hope you can keep that energy up! We have lots of work to do today!”

        “Indeed, we do! So much to d-” he paused. “Work!?”

        Twilight went over to an open cookbook on the counter as cooking instruments flew and flipped overhead. “Yes, work. The library still needs to be re alphabetized from the last time Rainbowdash crashed into it. Not to mention the broken window. Plus the book returns need to be sorted, and my recent journals need to be sent to the princess.”

        “B-b-but.”

        “No buts, Spike, there’s simply too much to do today!”

        Spike deflated, and turned dejectedly to leave.

        “Where are you going?” Twilight asked.

        “To get started... I’m not hungry.”

        He went into the bedroom, and flopped down onto a pillow, miserable. Tears welled up in his eyes.

        Twilight peeked her head in.

 “Spike?”

        Spike didn’t look up.

        “Spike, I have something to tell you.”

        “I know, I know, get work.” he said softly.

        “No, that’s not it.” He felt something land on the pillow next to him.

        He looked over, and there was a cupcake, encrusted with rubies, a single candle burning at the top,.

        “But, I thought you-”

        He was cut short as the purple unicorn grabbed him in a hug.

        “You silly little dragon. I could never forget your birthday.” she said softly. “Thank you for being you, Spike.”

        Spike looked up at Twilight. “Y-you’re welcome. I try my best.”

        Twilight chuckled. “No one does it better. Happy birthday Spike.”

        “Thank you, Twilight.”

End.

Plum Season

by: Chistery

As Equestrian seasons tumble to May, the Morningstar plum ripens, turning a wonderful violet.  The dark juice is renowned for its sweetness and a tang not unlike rhubarb.  Any fruit-loving pony loves its season.

It is a traditional symbol of change and revelation, healing, fertility and weddings. The Apple family kitchen had a tasteful woodcut of plums.

Some feet away fresh plums lay pitted on the Apple family’s table.  They looked plump in the early afternoon sun. Shaking quietly, Applejack saw them through tears.  Big Mac didn’t notice the fruit.

“Ah- ah’m sorry.  This is stupid.”  A sniff.

“No, it isn’t.” The crimson stallion levelled.

“Yes it is,” she choked, “ah’m just a dumb bumpkin and- and she wants a stallion and a dress and a city house and a-“  Applejack stopped short, rolling a purple-stained hoof around the plate’s rim.  The clock ticked once, twice.

“… And what?”

“And … a wedding,” faltering quietly, “An’ a dress.”

Big Mac blinked, “So?”

“So?!  Ah’m a filly, you foal!” Applejack barked hoarse, “Nopony ever had one of those shindigs around Ponyville; they’d talk and gander and strut about the-“ she sniffed, “the fillyfooler wedding.”

Her eyes cast down.

“Ah don’t care,” Big Mac bit.

Surprised emerald eyes lifted from the table.

He steamed along, “Ah don’t care and ain’t nopony gonna care of who you love, nopony who matters.  It’s gonna be just fine, AJ.  If yah know what’s on your mind, tell ‘er.  ’S not you to caterwaul like this.”

Applejack sniffed and gambled smiling.  “Those’re the most words you’ve …”

“You needed them,” he mumbled around a plum.

Applejack admired violet juice against the white plate; her love’s colors.

“She would look great in a wedding gown,” she laughed.

The words tasted better than plums.

        Fluttershy was out in her garden, tending to a new bush of purple lilacs that she had planted just after Winter Wrap-Up when she caught motion out of the corner of her eyes.  

She froze as her instincts locked up.  Cautiously, she peered to the spot just to her right.  Standing there, inches away, was a familiar, dark, vaguely pony shape.  The dark mare.

        It had taken Fluttershy by surprise again.  

        It always took Fluttershy by surprise.  It always showed up when she least expected it.

         Fluttershy struggled to find her voice.  It squeaked with fear. “I...  I...”  A shiver ran down her spine, her voice quavering.  “I don't... Want a-any t-t-trouble...”

        The dark form didn't say anything.  It never did.  It simply stared at her.

        Giving a yelp, Fluttershy backed away, knocking over her watering can in the process. “Pl-please, don't hurt me,” She stammered, cowering low.

        But the shape didn't say anything.  Very quickly, it followed her.

        “L-listen, just be-because y-you're... um...”  Fluttershy gulped, her forelock falling before her eye shyly.  “Dark... and... C-c-creepy...” Her feeble courage wavered.  The rest of her words dissolved into a high pitched squeak.  

        Another dark pony joined the shadowy mare.  Darkness began to spread out from them, threatening to engulf Fluttershy.

        What was left of Fluttershy's courage dissolved.  She gave a loud sob and bolted into the house as quickly as her wings and hooves could take her.

        Above, a startled Rainbow Dash heard the cry and peered over the cloud she was pushing into place for her nap.  She just barely caught a glimpse of Fluttershy running into the house. Rubbing at the side of her head, Rainbow glanced at the shadows her and her cloud were making.  “What the hay was that all about?”

Intruders

My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic fan fiction

by Lula • rated E for everyone

for Equestria Daily’s 300-word story event

I've always thought the break at the end of Episode 5: Griffon the Brush-Off a little abrupt for a strong, old relationship. Maybe we didn't see everything that happened that night?

Starlight lit her clock: twenty minutes to midnight, and the clouds beneath her trembled. Rainbow Dash’s wings and eyes snapped open like flowers in fast-oncoming sun. She sprang from her cloudbed, spiraling upwards. “Who the hay’s there?” she growled, voice still rough with sleep. “Hello? Anypony?”

“No pony, Dash,” said Gilda, her silhouette resolving slowly in Dash’s darkvision, “no pony. Relax. It’s me.” The griffon leant against a column, feathers around her gleaming eyes gray and matted.

Dash landed at Gilda’s level. “You’ve been crying.”

“So have you,” said Gilda, pointing. Dash’s hoof rose to her face. She blinked in surprise at the damp.

“G, it’s just condens—”

“Don’t gimme that, girl, I know you too well.” Gilda stepped closer. For a moment, the hard expression on her beak tended upward, set to break. Her wings spread as if to encircle the pony.

“Don’t.” Dash raised a hoof. “Please.”

Gilda’s wings dropped—not folding, just falling like the edges of a blanket. “So that’s how it is,” she said. “We had so much time together. But she undid it in … how long?”

“Gilda, I said I didn’t like how you treated—”

“I know. I’m sorry, okay? I was nervous. That I was losing you.” The aquiline head canted sideways, eyes narrowing, the motion oddly predatory in this darkness. “Seems I was right.”

For a full minute Dash said nothing—until Gilda turned, opening her wings. “Hey. It’s not what it looks like, okay? Pinkie and I aren’t … I don’t think—”

“Don’t.” Without looking back, Gilda raised a talon. “Please. Whatever they are, the details will just hurt.”

Gilda took wing, and Rainbow Dash sank where she stood. Salt drained down from her eyes to seed the clouds, and rainwater fell beneath her villa, drop by drop, until Dash fell asleep.

“I don’t understand, Twilight.. What’s this got to do with The Doctor?” Spike asked in a bout of confusion.

“I found this scroll that has tons of different writings about sights of a mysterious stallion with a blue box, that’s got to be him!” Twilight obviously knew what she was talking about.

Spike didn’t buy it. “But we’ve never even seen him before! How can you be so sure that’s him?”

Twilight almost laughed at this. “Spike, just because YOU haven’t seen him, doesn’t mean I haven’t.”

“And where did you see this mystery stallion, huh, Twilight? ‘Cause I haven’t heard any stories of anything like that happening at all!”

Twilight was struck by surprise with this comment. Thinking about it, she really couldn’t quite recall the specific details about when they had met. All she could remember were things about The Doctor and his box, nothing about where or how they had met. But she knew they had met somewhere!

Suddenly, there was a loud crash that could be heard outside, just beside her tree library. Spike had been thrown over, and Twilight was having trouble keeping her steady. With a glance to each other, they both ran out of the door and toward where they heard the noise. And surely enough... There was Rainbow Dash!

“Guys! Guys! You’ve gotta.. *huff* come see this.. *huff* It’s awesome!”

And with that, she took off back into the sky, without looking behind, obviously expecting the purple pony and the dragon to follow afterwards.

And that’s exactly what they both did! Massively intrigued, they both decided to run after the rainbow trail that their excited friend had left. Soon enough, they were at the edge of the Everfree Forest, and sitting smack in the middle of two trees.. was a blue box.

Big Mac’s Great Day

By AlterForm

Written for the March 17, 300-word fanfic event on Equestria Daily

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Big Macintosh woke up to a cold, pale morning. He slid open his window and paused to take in the crisp air and open skies (Celestia bless the fine pegasus who had gotten up early enough to clear them). The crow of Sweet Apple Acres’ sole rooster brought him back to Equestria; he sighed as he remembered the old days when he could sleep in. He had a farm to take care of now.

It was hard, dirty work taking care of Sweet Apple Acres. Big Mac caked his hooves in mud stirred up by the last night’s storm when he went to open the barn doors and let the cows out. He snagged several splinters dragging a pile of firewood back to the house. He got dust on (and in) every last part of himself pulling the apple buckets out of the rafters. The hens pecked him when he went for their eggs, he spilled slop all over himself trying to feed the pigs, Scootaloo crashed into his flank on her way to the Crusaders’ clubhouse, and worst of all he managed to sprain his hoof giving the trees a test-kick to see if they were ready for apple bucking season yet.

Tired, dirty, and limping just a bit, Big Mac washed himself off with a cold shower from the water tower by the house, grimacing to himself all the while. Tomorrow was sure to be another great day.

Big Mac lumbered back inside, still wearing a slight frown. He was greeted by a dinner table surrounded by three smiling Apple Family faces. Apple Bloom beamed up at her sibling. “Did’ja have a good day, big brother?”

Big Mac paused, took his seat, smiled and nodded. “E’yup.”

Tomorrow was sure to be another great day.

Big Macintosh came to Ponyville’s new dance club to see what the fuss was about, not expecting to enjoy himself much. He certainly hadn’t expected to meet any mares that struck his interest, but as soon as he had walked in, he’d seen the beauty behind the turntables. He’d heard of Vinyl Scratch before, but never much detail, and never that she looked so good.

And now, with the dancing over, the red stallion couldn’t believe his luck. He was doing his best to flirt with the unicorn musician; to his eternal surprise, rather than laugh at his lame pickup lines, she was flirting back.

They got drinks and retired to a table in the dark corner of the club; it was still hours till last call, but the place had become nearly deserted since the end of the music, with only a few amorous stragglers enjoying their drinks and company in close pairs. A stray female fan approached, complimenting Scratch on another good show before giving the two a knowing smile and returning to the table she shared with her own date.

Big Macintosh finished his drink quickly, for courage, as he admired her feminine curves. The stallion threw a hoof around Scratch’s neck; lips met, tongues met. The unicorn made a little moaning sound in the back of her throat, and it drove Mac wild. All too soon, the kiss ended. “You’re one hot little filly,” he murmured, looking down at her with a seductive smile. She hummed appreciatively, and leaned in to nibble on his ear before whispering into it, “I have a secret, big stallion... I’m not a filly yet. I’m pre-op.”

The only thing more surprising to Big Mac than the revelation was his reaction:

“I have the weirdest boner right now.”

Vinyl Scratch smiled.

“Howdy Twi! Thanks for invitin’ me ta this here shindig!”

“Don’t mention it, AJ.” Twilight smiled at the Earth Pony as she walked in, before turning to the next guest coming through.

“I wore my best evening wear for this, darling, I hope you like.”

“You look wonderful, Rarity.”

After Rarity came Fluttershy. “Oh, um, good evening Twilight. I hope the movie isn’t TOO scary...”

Before Twilight could respond a blue blur sped past the yellow Pegasus. “WOOHOOO! Movie night at Twilight’s!”

Twilight smiled softly as the two Pegasi flew off hoof-in-hoof, before turning her attention to the final guest. “Hey Pinkie Pie.”

“Hi Twilight!” Pinkie hopped through the door, the movie bag hanging on her neck. “I am soooo super duper excited for this! Usually I throw the parties but this time YOU’RE throwing the party, and I have NO idea what to expect except I kinda do because I chose the movie! It’s gonna be so much fun!”

Twilight giggled and closed the door. “With the books on movie nights I’ve read, it’s sure to be! So, what movie did you bring?”

Pinkie Pie grinned and hopped away. “Oh, you’ll see, Twilight, you’ll see...”

Everypony sat in the dark, their slack jaws illuminated by the ending credits. Twilight shook herself from her daze and looked over her friends.

Applejack sat motionless, gnawing on the hat she held between her forehooves.

Spike was nowhere to be seen.

Rarity was unconscious.

Rainbow Dash anxiously stroked a comforting hoof over a sobbing Fluttershy’s back.

Pinkie Pie...sat with a manic grin on her face. “Wow guys, wasn’t that super duper extra terrifying!? My knees are still shaking from the horror! Let’s do this again tomorrow!”

The next moment Pinkie was knocked unconscious by Twilight throwing the case for Twilight at her. “NO.”

Moonlit Revelations

Now’s my chance, thought the blushing Pinkie Pie. The night had gone splendidly, she reflected. A wonderful meal at the diner, a couple pranks pulled on some unsuspecting ponies. The moon practically begged her to do it.

        Rainbow Dash didn’t see the kiss coming at all. She immediately pulled back, much to Pinkie’s dismay. “Whoa, what the hay Pinkie,” she exclaimed, “have you lost your mind or something?”

        Pinkie Pie’s eyes opened wide. “I- I dunno what came over me,” she lied, “it just felt so right, and I mean, I dunno, didn’t you feel it too…?”

        Dash raised an eyebrow, “What makes you think I thought about you that way? It’s not like I’m even gay or anything.”

        Pinkie looked genuinely surprised. “You mean… you’re not?

        “Uh, no, what made you think that?”

        Pinkie couldn’t believe it. “Well I just, it just seemed so obvious. Like, what with the rainbows and tomcoltishness… and your love of roller derby.”

        “Huh? Why would roller derby make me-”

        “I guess I was reading signs that weren’t there. Let’s forget it ever happened, just uh, a little misunderstanding between friends. Heh.”

        “Yeah… just a misunderstanding. It’s cool, uh, Pinkie Pie.”

         “See you tomorrow.” Pinkie was about to hop away. What a strange-

        “Not even a little?” Pinkie hopelessly interjected.

        “No.”

        When the pink pony was gone, Spike, having heard them from the library, made his way over to the still befuddled blue pegasus.

        “Whoa, what happened with Pinkie Pie?” he asked.

        “She thought I was a lesbian. What the hay right?”

        “Oh come on, that’s silly, what made her think you were gay?”

        Dash shrugged, passionately kissing Spike under the pale moonlight.

        “No idea. Everypony knows I love baby dragons.”

        AND THEN THEY MADE PASSIONATE LOVE UNDER THE PALE MOONLIGHT.

Fin

Luna fidgeted on her throne, gazing through the window at the starry sky. It was another one of “those” nights. Already it was several hours beyond the scheduled sunrise, and her sister was nowhere to be found. Elsewhere ponies would be waking up by now, staring up at the moon and asking the same question: “Why?”

If only she knew. Then at least she might be able to do something to stave off the growing sense of dread that covered Equestria every time this happened. “What happened to the princess?” “Has Nightmare Moon returned again?” Nopony was there, but she could hear it.

Ain't no sunshine when she's gone

It's not warm when she's away.

Ain't no sunshine when she's gone

And she's always gone too long

Anytime she goes away...

It never failed to hurt, realizing just how much ponies needed the day. How much they missed it when it was gone. How much she missed it. After a thousand years of being sealed on the moon, of chasing the sun and never being able to catch it, it scared her how much she craved Celestia’s company.

Ain't no sunshine when she's gone

Only darkness every day.

Ain't no sunshine when she's gone

And this house just ain't no home

Anytime she goes away...

Tears began to roll down her cheeks one by one, spattering against the marble floor. She curled up on the oversized throne and shut her eyes tight against the world. So tight she missed the light flooding in from the windows. Asleep too fast to see Celestia smile down at her, or place the warm blanket over her comparitively diminutive form.

“...Perhaps next time it would be better if I left a note.”

Half the Day is Night

by AugieDog

Prologue

         The three-quarter moon inched over the horizon, reddish-yellow as the leaves Celestia could hear rustling in the breeze that washed down from the heights of the mountain behind her.  Stepping forward on her balcony, she closed her eyes and breathed it in.  "Beautiful," she sighed.

         "Thank you."  Luna's voice, so much softer now than Celestia remembered, but even a year and a quarter since her sister's return, she still felt like dancing whenever she heard it.

         She glanced sideways at her smaller, darker sister.  "I missed you the most in autumn.  Each night longer than the last, and me with hardly enough ideas to fill them all."

         Luna shrugged.  "You did OK.  I mean, all the basic parts still work and everything."

         "I had a lot of help."  Celestia looked back at the moon and thought of ponies whose grandchildren's grandchildren had long since grown old around her.  "That first night after you...after you were gone, I did something wrong and managed to blow out half the stars.  A couple old earth ponies showed me a trick for burning marsh gas in vessels, teams of unicorns replicated the effect on a much larger scale, and every pegasus in Equestria flew multiple sorties to get the new stars aloft."

         "Yes.  I--"  Luna stopped, cleared her throat.  "I can feel their hoofprints, like...like where it was always just me shaping the night before, now there's...there's all these others mixed in.  And I--"  Again a stop, another breath.  "I'd like to know their names, Celestia.  I'd like to know who they were."

        Celestia nodded, and as she began telling Luna the story, a thought began forming in the back of her mind.

        “How do you want your makeup done for the talent show, Scootaloo,” Sweetie Belle asked as she puzzled over her design sheet.  Scootaloo scratched her chin as she thought it over.

***

        It had been late at night when Scootaloo had snuck out of her home to get some practice on her scooter without having to worry about the crowds.  She had gone past Sugar Cube Corner a few minutes back when she saw something surprising, it was a griffon in an alley beating up a wall.

        Scootaloo had snuck up to get a closer look; she heard the griffon angrily muttering between punches.  Scootaloo was almost close enough to make out what she was saying when she accidentally kicked a tin can.

        The griffon whipped around and was in Scootaloo’s face before she even realized she’d made a mistake.  “Who are you, what do you want,” the griffon had demanded.  “Can’t you ponies leave me alone for two minutes!?”

        Scootaloo could only stare at her piercing eyes, the marking around them drawing her in.  “What’sa matter, why are you staring at me like that?”

        “You are so cool looking,” Scootaloo said in total awe.

        The griffon just stared at her for a moment before a small smile broke out on her face.  “You got good taste, kid.  What’s your name?”

        “Scootaloo.”

        “I’m Gilda,” she had said.  She then reached out a clawed hand and gently ruffled Scootaloo’s mane.  “You’re pretty cool yourself, Scoot.  You think you can do me a favor and make sure a certain blue and rainbow haired pegasus doesn’t become too lame with me gone?”

        Scootaloo nodded.

        “Thanks kid,” was all she said before taking to the skies.

***

        Taking her hoof away from her chin, Scootaloo smiled and said, “I might have a few makeup ideas.”

        Fluttershy's Secretive Secret

                        Rainbow Dash loudly entered Fluttershy’s house, flying through the roof as she would to anypony’s house. Fluttershy, shocked by the noise, flinched like a cat that just heard something loud. As she realized what had happened, she quickly tried to hide what she had been doing.

                Rainbow Dash stood up from the pile of wood and dirt she was laying in the center of, and looked suspiciously at Fluttershy. “What’re you doing,” She asked, “plotting the downfall of Celestia?”

                Fluttershy’s eyes grew wide as she heard this. “W-why would you think I was doing that…?” She asked.

                “Well, I don’t actually think you’re doing that,” Rainbow Dash said, taking on an annoyed tone, “you just seem like you’re hiding something.”

                “No, I’m not…” Fluttershy said, wishing Rainbow Dash would hurry up and leave, “now if you don’t mind, umm… you’re kinda in my house…”

                “Oh, sorry about that,” Rainbow Dash said apologetically, “would you like me to leave?”

                “Yes, please,” Fluttershy said and glanced at the hole in her roof, “and umm… could you possibly fix my roof sometime in the near future?”

                “Oh, uhh, yeah,” Rainbow Dash said, spreading her wings “I’ll get right on that sometime.” Rainbow Dash exited through the hole in Fluttershy’s roof much quieter than she had entered.

                As soon as she was gone, Fluttershy brought out the map she had been hiding and placed it on her table. “Angel-bunny, you can come out now, she’s gone,” She said in her gentle tone. Angel came out from under Fluttershy’s bed and climbed onto the table with the map on it. “Okay, so we’ll have the rebels push from here,” Fluttershy said to Angel as he sat on the table, patiently listening, “and within the week, Canterlot will be ours.” Angel smiled as Fluttershy quietly yay'd.

~TR~

The thunderstorm that hit Ponnyville was pretty hard this time. Rainbow Dash and her co-workers had done a great job to create this thunderstorm. With loudly thunders and lightnings that made the town completely white for a short second.

The Pony with the nickname "Derpy hoof" ( she got that nickname because her eyes was pointing at different directions). She didn't like the thunderstorms too much. She was hiding under her blanket,shivering.

She tried to think about things that she liked: Flowers,birds,muffins... she loved muffins.

The sky became white a short second with a sound like a hungry lion,that scared Derpy.

Then she remembered something her mother always did to cheer her up, when she was a little foal.

Derpy got up from the bed. ( with the blanket over her head) She went into the living room in her house. She opened cabinets,drawers until she found that she was looking for.

A device that was called a record player. It looks like an wooden box with an trumpet on it that was connected to a small needle.

On the wooden box was a flat,black disc. Derpy put down the needle on the flat disc and some tick-tick-tick noises came from the trumpet. The song was called "Take me home country roads" by somepony called Pinilovia hafton.

Country roads, take me home

To the place i belong

west Equestria moutain mama

When derpy heard the music and the lyrics, she thought about when she was just a little foal.

Her mother always played that song to cheer little derpy up. The thunderstorm didn't seem to scare derpy now. She was in her world,under a warm blanket. With an muffin in front of her and her memories of her mother.

Catch

by MoronSonOfBoron

“Double order again, Rainbow Dash?”

“When you move as fast as I do, you burn a lot of calories.” Rainbow Dash stuffed the muffins into her saddlebag, then disappeared from the bakery, leaving only a streak of color and a few bit coins.

A rainbow arced over Ponyville as Dash flew to a crossroads outside of town. The sun was setting, but she could make out a lone grey silhouette coming her way.

“Derpy, catch!” She whipped a muffin through the air, spiraling straight for the other pony’s head.

“Muffin!” Derpy leapt into the air and snatched it between her teeth, wings flapping unsteadily as she floated back to the ground. She bounced up to greet Dash, opening her mouth to say hello, and the muffin fell headfirst into the soil.

“Don’t worry. Here’s another one for you.” Dash presented the pristine muffin still in her saddlebag. Derpy’s eyes never agreed in a direction as she eyed the muffin before stuffing it into her mouth. While Derpy was distracted, Dash retrieved the other and brushed it off.

“Derpy! Slow down.” Dash giggled as she flicked some crumbs away from Derpy’s cheek with her wing. “Any letters today?”

“Oven goes ding!” Derpy quickly retrieved a letter from her satchel.

“Huh.” Dash looked over the letter, wings drooping. Derpy licked her muffin wrapper and tilted her head curiously. “Another? I told mom to stop sending my transcript to flight schools.”

“Zoom.”

“I made up my mind. I dropped out, there’s no going back.”

“Zoom zoom!” Derpy shook Dash by the shoulders.

“I can’t!” Dash handed over the letter.

“Mama?”

“Someone has to look out for you.” Dash tried smiling. Derpy stood up slowly.

“Sorry, Dash. Sorry am stupid.” She took off with tears in her eyes. “Am worst sister ever!”

“Derpy, wait!”

Pony Wrastle

“Hey Rainbow? I challenge you to a pony wrastle!” Applejack and Rainbow Dash had been arguing again.

“I'm always up for a challenge, AJ!”

Applejack and Rainbow pressed their heads together and stood on their hind legs, grasping each others shoulders with their hooves, grunting as they circled around, staring into each other 's eyes, bodies rigid.

Rainbow made the first move, lunging into Applejack, using her wings to gain momentum. As Applejack fell backwards, she twisted herself out of the way and threw Rainbow aside.

After Applejack had hit the ground she rolled over and got back up, but Rainbow had jumped onto Applejack's back, grasping her neck with her forelegs.

“Ha! Got ya!”

Applejack smirked and tried buck Rainbow off. Rainbow bounced up and down off Applejack's rump.

This drew the attention of other nearby ponies who began to circle around to watch them.

Rainbow was flung off, but she dove back in, hitting Applejack's hind leg, tripping her.

Applejack swung around and grabbed Rainbow's tail with her teeth, trying to pull her away.

Rainbow held onto Applejack's hind leg as they both fell to the ground. Rainbow tried to pull herself on top, grasping at Applejack's flank, but she was yanked back and Applejack rolled over her.

“You think they'll kiss?” Somepony asked.

Applejack was on top of Rainbow, holding her in a headlock, the two grunting as Rainbow tried to muscle her off. “Give it up, Rainbow!”

Rainbow pushed her hooves into Applejack's, slipping out and jumping back, gasping.

Applejack rose and grinned. The two lunged at each other one more time, bumping into each others noses. They fell back on their haunches and grimaced. The both of them had nose bleeds.

“Oh my god just kiss already!” Somepony yelled.

     “So he said no porn, fetishes, or ugly dirty stuff at ALL?”  Rainbow Dash sounded positively heart broken.  “What does he expect anypony to write about then?”

     “Silly Dash!  You could write about all KINDS of stuff like candy and cupcake-”

     “NO!  Not cupcakes Pinkie.  Please.”  Dash's eyes were wide with near panic.

     “Oh, sorry.  I nearly forgot about that one.  It was nothing personal really.  You totally understand, don't you?”  Pinkie threw a friendly leg around Dash's waist.

     “Hey now!  They said NO fetishes.  Don't you two start getting too 'friendly' or we may have trouble.”  Twilight pulled the two ponies apart.  “I know that you both have a lot of fans of your close personal friendship, but today we have to avoid that.  It could fall under the 'fetish' category.”

     “OK, I know we're supposedly friends and all, but I'm really tempted to tell you to shove it, after what you did to all of us.”  Dash stared her down.

     “What?!  That was so long ago!”

     “That didn't make the ground any softer when I slammed into it.”

     “What a double standard!  At least my way was quick.”

     “Tell that to Rarity, the lingering burn victim.”

     “Plus you're not as interesting as me.”  Pinkie stuck out her tongue at the young wizard.  

     “Oh, go organize a sing-along.”  Twilight turned and trotted angrily away.  

     Pinkie looked into Rainbow Dash's eyes, her own brimming with tears.  “My songs are always fun, right?”

     “Totally fun!  Twilight just needs to go cool off a while.  Now come here.”  

     “Wait.  We can't today!”

     “You're forgetting the word count limit, which should be reached right about now.”

     “Oh yeah.  Hee.  Oooh . . . “

        She walked through the streets with her head held high.  Though her composure was smug, she seemed to bear a perpetual scowl, ready to intimidate anypony daft enough to stand against her into a complacent submission.  Small equines cowered in anxiety, smaller ones stopped in the middle of their fun to scatter or beg for mercy.  The latter received a frightful snarl, and would be lucky to get home without any bruises.  The former would get theirs, soon enough.

        Unyieldingly impertinent, she brusquely advanced upon shops and foodstalls alike, pillaging what she pleased and sometimes what she didn’t.  She needed no money, for these ponies’ lives being spared alone was payment on her behalf immeasurable.

        At last, she reached the confectionery that so thoroughly propagated her rage, so inflamed her hate.  This time, things would be different.  This time, she would have her revenge.  The door smashed through like a wet tissue before her mighty palm.  She bashed over dessert pieces so carefully constructed as if they were worthless piles of garbage.  She tore though displays and obliterated decorations.  At last, she was before the turned back of the devil that haunted her very existence.

        It turned around.

        Gritting her beak and clenching her fist, she delivered a blow mighty enough to shatter stone, but this devil did not succumb; her form bounced back as a balloon.  In retaliation, the devil threw its arms around her, chortled like some kind of ghast, and smiled widely.  “Oh, silly!” it started up.  “You don’t have to be that way!  Come hang out anytime--let’s be friends!”

        She growled, blushing, and the vision melted into the sky of a cloudy day.  A green pony walked up to the cot.  “Did you have a good dream, oh Great and Powerful Gilda?”

        “Buzz off!”

“It’s okay...” Fluttershy nudged the little, trembling ball of feathers that lay curled up on her floor. “It’s only a thunderstorm.” She squeaked a little herself as a particularly loud thunderclap boomed, with an accompanying torrent of rain. “The sun will come out in the morning and it’ll be safe for you to go home then.”

A pathetic chirp. Also, something else, as Fluttershy’s ears twitched back. In addition to the sounds the blue jay was making and the sounds of the pouring rain and occasional thunder... She gave the bird another sympathetic bump with her nose before lifting her head and trotting across the room. This time, when the squawk came, there was no mistaking it.

Fluttershy gasped. She pushed the window open and was immediately greeted by a flurry of rain in her face. Taking a deep breath, she shoved her head outside and looked down.  “You!”

Glowing, red, terrified eyes met hers.

“Oh, you poor thing. Please come in; you’re getting all wet out there.”

The cockatrice shook its head.

“Please?”

A more emphatic nod.

“Young man, you come in here right this instant.”

It risked another look at the Pegasus’s blue eyes, remembered them wide and glaring, and hurriedly hopped in.

Later, when the cockatrice was curled in a corner, wings folded and no longer soaked, it watched, still in awe, Fluttershy hurriedly still fetching more items, scarves, leg warmers, hats, anything to dry off and keep warm little creatures as more and more sought refuge in her home. It still squawked in fear and surprise when she suddenly appeared in front of him, eyes big. “Are you comfortable? Are you warm enough?”

All it could do was nod its head dumbly. And watch as the pony actually bumped him with her nose gently and smiled.

Ponies Travel Back in Time

“Rainbow Dash! Rainbow Dash! Wait up, Dash! DASH!” shouted the hyperactive pink little earth pony as she raced underneath a frustrated Rainbow Dash to try and catch up.  

“Oh, not again,” groaned Rainbow Dash.  Dash was still recovering from the whole “cupcakes” fiasco a few days ago, so she wasn’t really up for more of Pinkie Pie’s shenanigans.  She cringed at the thought of another day alone with Pinkie, but Dash figured she might as well see what was up.

“Phew, was that a workout or what?” Pinkie said recovering from her sprint.  

“What do you want, Pinkie? I got skies to clear,” the pegasus said, growing impatient.

“Oh nonono not today you don’t! I have to show you something,” said Pinkie without so much as a stutter. “Go get the rest of the gang and meet me by the edge of the Everfree forest in 5 minutes it’s SUPER important and I know I say that a lot but this time I REALLY mean it so hurry up ok?”

“Aghbu,” The pegasus managed to blurt out before she was blinded by a pink flash of pony goodness.

*sigh*

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The other girls had decided to have a nice lunch at some new cafe near Rarity’s boutique.   It was French or something, so every cool pony wanted to check it out.  Seconds after the four ponies had sat down to eat their lunch, Dash came spiraling down through the skies because she was cool like that.

“Guys, you gotta drop your food and grab on to my tail. Now,” said rainbow dash assertively.

“Dear Celestia, this again Rainbow Dash? You left the town in enough chaos last time, can’t you just sit down and have some lunch with us, darling?” whined the fashion designer.

“Nope.avi, I got stuff to do to and Pinkie Pie’s bein’ Pinkie Pie so we gotta GO,” Dash said.

Dash then proceeded to scoop up the ponies like a boss and take them to Pinkie’s rendezvous point.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Ok, we’re all here. What is it Pinkie?” asked Twilight Sparkle with a touch of optimism in her voice.

“We’re going swimming, silly-fillies!” Behind her stood a huge pool of some strange, unidentifiable purple fluid, er, goo, er.... Purple shit.  

“Uh, that don’t look too safe sugarcu-”

“CANNONBALL!!!” shouted Pinkie as she submerged herself completely in the purple gunk. Needless to say, she didn’t come back up.

“Oh, for the love of- Let’s just go” said Rainbow Dash as she scooped up the ponies once again because strong and stuff.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

So inside the purple stuff, a bunch of weird sci-fi shit happened, and when the ponies reached the end of their journey, they found themselves in the middle of a jungle, eons away from dear old Ponyville.

“PINKIE PIE HOW DID- BUT WHA- WTFMAN?” said Twilight, flipping her shit.

“Whoaaaa let’s do it again!” Pinkie pie said bouncing around.

Applejack and Fluttershy had their legs pretzeled together for some reason, and Rainbow Dash was throwing up behind a tree.  She had had a particularly bumpy ride.  The important thing was that everypony was safe. All except for Rarity, who was no where to be found.

Trying to make some sense of the situation, Twilight pulled out a book from fucking nowhere and started reading.

“Uh-huh... Uh-huh.......” She was onto something.

“Ok, guys, this might sound a little weird, but according to this book, we’ve been transported to a period in time known as the Cretaceous Era.”

“Meaning?” asked the rainbow-maned pegasus.

“Meaning dinosaurs,” responded the purple unicorn.

“Hey guys, look what I found! Isn’t he cute?” said Pinkie Pie, pointing to a huge fucking T-Rex.

“HOLY SHIT PINKIE THAT’S A FUCKING DINOSAUR HE WILL EAT YOUR SHIT RUN” said Twilight, taking off like a bullet.

“Oh girls, don’t you see? When I was a little filly and the sun was gooinnn-” Pinkie was cut off as the huge reptile ate her shit.

The four ponies stood with their jaws hitting the ground (quite literally) as they saw their friend be devoured whole by this enormous beast, until they realized that they needed to gtfo before they got their shit eaten too.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The girls made a successful escape to a nearby cave where they spent the next night trying to find an exit spell amongst the thousands of books Twilight was apparently able to carry around with her at all times.  To pass the time, Fluttershy tried to befriend some of the local fauna, but not even the stare would fix those dinosaurs’ behavior problems. Douchebags.  Applejack was bucking trees for some mangoes and rainbow dash was doing flips and shit, when suddenly like 6 fucking Velociraptors came running at the group looking for  some food.  These weren’t any old Velociraptors, though. These were some starving, rabid motherfuckers looking to fuck shit up.

The end drew nearer as the 4 ponyfriends found themselves surrounded by hungry, pony-eating dinosaur things . They prepared to say their goodbyes when suddenly, out of fucking nowhere, Rarity came to save the day, wielding 6 trendy ass diamond studded leashes in her hooves that she somehow managed to lasso around the Velociraptors’ necks.  She then proceeded to drop to the floor, hand some leashes over to the other ponies, and they all walked the fucking dinosaur.

The end.

Random

By Rad Lass

Just like every night, Pinky trundled back home in the

pre-dawn darkness of Ponytown, too tired walk with a bounce.  Which was fine, the little village was empty,

everypony fast asleep after another full day.

Pinky trotted softly to her bed and pulled off her saddlebags

with her teeth and a sighed as she went through her checklist for the night, “Two

reloaded confetti cannons, balloons and helium tanks moved and reburied, stale

pies replaced and the trampoline has been installed behind Twilight’s library.”  She stood staring at her bed, too tired climb

into it right away.  Just like every

night since she got her cutie mark.

She was a just little pony facing another boring day in

boring Ponytown when she tied a bunch of balloons to herself and started a

laugh riot by simply floating though the town with a goofy look on her

face.  Ever since that day it was her destiny

to be the spontaneous fountain of joy that brightens everypony’s face.  What no one knew was how much planning went

into being Pinkie Pie.

Pinky flopped down onto her pillow.  She wanted to shout from the rooftops, that

she’d been fooling everypony! Her ditzy, hyper façade hid the smartest, cleverest

pony who ever lived!  But, she knew she couldn’t,

she loved her friends, and knew they needed her nonsense, even if they didn’t

know it. So tomorrow she’d be Pinky Pie, and tomorrow night she’d go out again

and set up for another day.

Pinky let out a yawn and stretched, thinking about the look

on her friend’s faces if one of them happens to say the word ‘raincoat’ ‘biscuit’

or ‘hootenanny’ tomorrow, they wont see what I’ve got planned coming!

Quickly, Pinky fell asleep. A smile on her face.  Just like every night.

Uncommon Occurrences

by yrthak

Feather heard a knock, and looked up from his papers. “Come in!”

                    He was startled to see Princess Celestia at the door, bowing her head to fit her horn through. “P-princess!” he stammered, getting up and bowing. “To what do I owe the—“ he trailed off, seeing her sad expression.

                    “I’m sorry, Feather, but I think you know what this is about,” Celestia said. “I can’t ignore the complaints anymore—Canterlot is a unicorn city, and an earth pony doesn’t fit in. The expectation of magic is everywhere; there are many doors around the city Pearl can’t even open.”

                    “I’ll take her wherever she needs to go,” Feather said, an edge to his voice. “The magical devices in this town are simple bigotry.”

                    “Please, don’t make this harder than it needs to be,” Celestia said. “We’ve arranged for a shop in your names in Ponyville, and movers are taking the gowns there as we speak.”

                    Feather stared daggers. “Damn you! Carousel was Pearl’s dream—and it was working! She got recognition from top designers, building a reputation in just a few months. There’s no fashion scene in Ponyville; you’re condemning her to obscurity!”

                    “You will watch your tongue when speaking to me,” Celestia said. “I apologize for the intrusion, but the matter is settled. You should go get her and the foal ready to leave. Good day.” She nodded and left the office.

--

Feather opened the hospital door, and tried to smile at his wife. The purple earth pony was in bed, cradling their foal. She looked up and met his gaze with red, puffy eyes. “I heard.”

“Oh honey, I am so sorry,” Feather said, rushing to hold her. “I tried, I wrote complaints to every department, I—“

“It’s alright, love. Think of our daughter, a quieter town will be better to raise her in. She’ll be so special in an earth pony town.”

Feather nuzzled the white unicorn foal. “She’ll certainly be unique there, won’t she? An… Uncommon Occurrence!”

Pearl laughed. “Her name should be a little snappier than that, dear…”

I Hope You’re Happy

Once upon a time there was a Cereal Velocity. One day, during his daily breakfast taco, he had an idea. “I’m going to make a writing prompt,” he said, his face full of some shit called barbacoa. And so he did, and that writing prompt was to write three hundred god damned words about ponies.

Later that day, while stalking a Google docs chat on his own story, he was visited by his friend the Tav.

“Cereal, you fucking asshole,” cried the Tav, “get back here we are all dying.” And it was true, because Cereal was supposed to be helping fend off hordes of alien invaders, but instead he had left all of his friends to die so he could talk about ponies on the Internet.

“No,” he said.

Moments later, after having his ass dragged out of Google docs, Cereal broached the subject of his writing prompt to his most favorite emotionally abusive friend. “Hey Tav,” he said, “you should write something.”

“I don’t want to write something,” said the Tav, evading a hail of plasma bolts. He primed a grenade and tossed it haphazardly over his shoulder. “I don’t like writing.”

“But Tav,” he roared to the heavens, his vision obscured by extraterrestrial viscera, “you’re so good at it!”

“I don’t care, fuck you! Smiley face.” The Tav shot back, intentionally blind-firing in Cereal’s direction.

Later, Cereal Velocity relayed this story to his other best friend, Pinkie Pie, while he wiped excrement off his visor.

“I just don’t know what to do,” he bemoaned to the little pink pony, “Tav is just so awesome and cool, and he writes such amazing shit like that one time he only wrote anything ever.” He grabbed the pony by her soft chin fat and pulled her face to his, veins bulging and spittle flying. “Help me Pinkie Pie.”

“Okay!” Chirped the rosy equine, hopping slightly, whether in excitement or pain, who knows. “Why don’t we throw a party!”

“That sounds like a great idea!” Cereal exclaimed, pulling tighter at her rubbery flesh. “I will call him right now on my amazing new phone that I won’t stop talking about!”

“Okay!” Muffled Pinkie Pie cheerfully, tears forming at the corners of her eyes.

“Tav,” Cereal swooned over his crazy future technology, “all of the ponies are going to have a party! You should come! Maybe you can score some candy vag!”

“Cereal what the fuck,” replied the Tav groggily, “No.” And then he went back to bed so he could get up early and write more than three hundred words about ponies because he is just that good a friend.

“Alas, Pinkie,” sniffed Cereal, his futurephone folding up into a small jet and flying away, “It is not to be.”

 “Okay!” replied the diminutive hoofbeast, color slowly returning to her cheeks, “lets have a party anyway!”

“Okay!” Said Cereal.

And so they did. And it was rad. And all the ponies had a wild lesbian orgy, except for Fluttershy because she’s a fucking cocktease.

The End.

        “Spike, take a letter,” Twilight instructed the little dragon.  Spike grabbed up his quill and paper as she cleared her throat.

Dear Princess Celestia,

        Last night I learned some very valuable things about friendship.  I learned that alcohol is the most amazing of beverages and has many wonderful abilities.  With proper quantities consumed, the once simple task of walking down the street becomes as exciting as a climb up a steep mountain while at the same time every street becomes a dance floor.

        I’ve learned that once you’ve drank enough, every piece of music is written just for you to sing along with and that your voice becomes infinitely more beautiful with each shot.  When your good and intoxicated, there are no strangers, there’s only best friends that you don’t know the names of and likely still wont in the morning.

        But sometimes a pony doesn't know their own limitations and it takes a good friend to tell them when they’ve had enough.  However, it takes an even better friend to not impede on that first friend’s fun and to help her get across the street and to hold her mane back when she pukes.

        Also, I’ve learned that some ponies can be so panicky and will flip out over the littlest things like if a pony stops breathing for a couple of silly minutes.  Honestly, a little CPR and that pony will be good to go to the next bar or club.

Your faithful student,

Twilight Sparkle

P.S.  Attached is the bill for a stomach pump.  As this was all part of a learning experience, I’d say this falls under “educational expenses”.

In addition I have learned a lesson about medical insurance, it is legalized robbery and should be nationalized at your soonest convenience.

The crowds have gathered under Luna's night,

My light plays across colours so bright.

I switch the track, and try as they might,

The rhythm overtakes them, they cannot fight.

Hundreds of faces are locked in delight,

But I've just begun, there's no end in sight!

They all dance, trapped within my power,

An intricate groove that will never sour.

Caught in my spell, no time to cower,

At last we approach the midnight hour!

My head starts to move without me knowing,

Following the beat as the music is flowing.

I try to think but my thoughts are slowing,

I'm already lost. My mind is going.

We are bewitched. The music gets faster.

Am I its slave? Or am I the master?

A greater question looms. I must seek its answer.

Are we pony? Or are we dancer?

Applejack sighed.

"Why are we doing this?"

"Well," began Fluttershy. "Lots of new baby banelings have evolved, so it's my job to get a count of all the new safety hazards."

"Fine. Can we just get on with it?"

"Certainly, but remember, these are banelings we're dealing with, not cows. They're a timid bunch and need to be treated gently."

"I do not need any direction on corralling critters." Applejack faced her pet dog. "Right Winona?" Winona barked in happy agreement.

They stopped walking in an area where Applejack could see the disgusting, acid-filled creatures rolling around without direction. They stopped to listen when Fluttershy next spoke.

"Okay little Banelings, I need you to all gather here in the middle."

Applejack stomped her hoof on the ground to get their attention.

"That's right banelings, in the centre!"

All the banelings immediately curled back up and began rolling off in random directions. They were fast, but not fast enough for Winona and Applejack.

"Swell, just swell!" said Applejack.

She took off after the largest group of banelings, chasing them down towards a fenced-in clearing. That seemed like a good idea.

"Put em up Winona!" yelled Applejack, and Winona barked in acknowledgement. She was a great help in corralling all the loose banelings that had gotten free.

Fluttershy muttered something about scaring the Banelings, and Applejack, annoyed, assured her that they knew what they were doing.

And it was true, as finally they had gathered all the banelings together in one little clutch. Winona growled, and Applejack started advancing.

"No, Applejack! Winona!" yelled Fluttershy. It was the last thing Applejack heard.

At least until the next week, when she finally woke up. She was in the Ponyville Regional Clinic, having suffered severe chemical burns. The doctors assured her she would be alright.

Pinkie Pie groaned and brought her hoof up to her temple. The request had been for a short story about life in Equestria, but she just didn’t know where to start. Every time pen met paper, the super-fantastic-amazing-special-awesome story she had imagined in her mind just wouldn’t come out. What a meanie-weanie that story was, keeping her from participating in the super-fun fanfiction party!

Hoping to find some really funtastic inspiration, Pinkie Pie stepped away from the bakery counter and stood at the front window. Rainbow Dash was arguing with Apple Jack, what could it be about? Those silly-fillies, friends don’t argue, they party! Fluttershy was hiding behind a park bench. What really-scary-but-not-if-you-just-giggle-at-it ghostie was she hiding from today? Oh, and just across from Fluttershy were Lyra and Bon-Bon, sitting on their own bench! Although “sitting” was a really odd way to describe what Lyra was doing; she had a super-silly way of resting on the bench; maybe it was a medical condition? Looking the other way, Pinkie spotted Derpy crashing into a building, and spilling her mailbags. Again. There was probably some horrific bubble-related backstory there. Twilight was levitating a pile of books into her library-house; she was so boring like that. Maybe she secretly went on super-fantastic-lovey-dovey adventures with all the other ponies! Hmm, no, that sounded more like Rainbow Dash. Pinkie Pie couldn’t see Rarity anywhere, but that was okay! She was probably working on dresses in her shop, singing another stick-in-your-head-all-day-like-caramel song! Rarity was the second-best song-pony in all of Ponyville, right after Pinkie Pie.

A sense of running out of something and a flash of inspiration made Pinkie Pie jump into the air and gasp loudly. Grinning widely, she hurried back to the counter, put her pen on the paper, and wrote:

“Pinkie Pie groaned and brought her hoof up to her temple. The request had been for a short story about life in Equestria . . .”

        “I don’t know about this,” Twilight said to Rainbow Dash as she flew in a small circle around her.  “I’m just not sure it’s safe.  I could get you hurt or possibly destroy the world!”

        “Oh don’t be so dramatic,” Rainbow Dash said dismissively.  “It’s really simple, first you use your magic to open a black hole.  I fly towards it, using the powerful gravitational pull to gain incredible speed.  Then, just as I pass the event horizon and before I get crushed into a singularity, you shut the blackhole!  Then I use that insane speed to pull off some amazing tricks to impress the Wonderbolts!”

        “Well, when you put it that way,” Twilight trailed off as Dash smiled and squished her face in joy.

        Moments later, Dash flapped at one end of the field while Twilight was anchored in the middle.  “Ready,” Twilight called out.

        “Then let’s do this,” Dash shouted as Twilight’s horn began to glow.  In the middle of the field a great hole appeared in thin air and a great suction began.  Dash flew at the hole in time and space with all her might.  Just as she felt her very molecules being stretched, the hole disappeared and Dash was soaring faster than she ever had in her life.

        Her joy was short lived when she realized she had no control of her flight path.  She screamed as she hurtled into the nearby woods.  She didn’t even feel it when her wings snagged on to the heavy branches, but she flew on, leaving them behind.

        She screamed louder as she saw where she was headed, “NOT THE MEAT PROCESSING PLANT!”  Before she could even bring up her hooves, she crashed through the window and into the machinery.

***

        “Why does this keep happening,” the limbless torso of Rainbow Dash asked Twilight from her hospital bed.  The colourful balloons provided by Pinkie did little to lift her spirits.

        “I don’t know,” Twilight said, shaking her head.  “This is what, the fifth time for you?”

        Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash walked down the darkened streets of Ponyville, an uncomfortable silence hanging over them.  Pinkie scowled as she walked and Dash kept shooting her nervous glances.

        “Crazy night, huh” Dash said, laughing awkwardly.

        “Could you not talk to me right now,” Pinkie spat.  “I’m still not sure why I don’t report you to the Ponyville police for what you did!”

        Dash ran in front of Pinkie, blocking her when she tried to go around.  “Whoa, hold on a second!  Are you really planning on sicking the law on me over a little mistake?!”

        Pinkie looked away, tears stinging in her eyes, “No.  Well, maybe.  I just don’t know,” she shouted.  “Why did you have to go and do something like that, I thought you were supposed to be loyal to your friends!?”

        Dash looked away and scratched her head.  “It all just kinda happened.  But listen!  She never actually said ‘no’!  S-so it’s okay!”

        Pinkie lunged forward putting her forehooves on Dash’s shoulders.  “No.  Dash.  No.  She was drunk.”

        “But,” Dash started pleadingly, her mind searching desperately for some words that would let her put this all behind her.  Dash refused to look her in the eye, but Pinkie grabbed her face and forced her to face her and her crimes.

        “No,” Pinkie said in a tone that left no room for discussion.  Her eyes grew in intensity and she started shaking as she spoke.“Dash, what you did is rape.  You raped Twilight.”

        Dash’s eyes filled with tears and she fell to the ground sobbing.  A giant stupid grin broke over Pinkie’s face as pressed a hoof on her friend’s nose and she shouted, “HONK!”

*Author’s Note: Dash totally just kissed Twilight on cheek.*

“Hey Applejack can I trade you for your Drillbur?” asked Twilight

“Nope. I really like that pokemon, Sugarcube” Said Applejack

“Ill trade you a Seismatoad for it”        

“Give it a Hyper Potion and you got yourself a deal, honey” Applejack haggled.

“I just cant stand to watch these poor… animals?... being treated in such a manner…” whimpered Fluttershy. She was just sitting on the couch, reading and hiding her eyes each time they got into a battle. She hadn’t gotten the game because she was too scared.

Twilight and Applejack had just gone to the local mall and picked up their copy of Pokemon Black and White, respectively. They had played non-stop ever since they got back to Twilight’s Tree Library, which by now, Twilight figured they had been playing for around 5 hours, however they had only reached the 3rd gym leader.

A polite knock at the door was heard.

“If I know that knock anywhere, its Rarity.” Said Applejack. Soon enough, the pretty white pony strolled into the area where they were all playing.

“Hi everypony, I just picked up my copy of Pokemon White” Stated Rarity, proudly.

“What starter did you choose?” Asked Twilight

“ I actually haven’t even opened the package yet!” Exclaimed Rarity.

“Well if I were you, I would go with Oshawott, the water starter. I think it would suit you well.” Twilight suggested

“Sounds good”

A rainbow suddenly appeared suddenly followed by a loud crash marked the appearance of Rainbow Dash.

“HEY EVERYPONY! JUST GOT MY POKEMON BLACK YEAH! I got Snivy because it looks really cool.”

Twilight said “I picked Oshawott. It seemed like it was balanced.”

“I picked Tepig. Just soooo cute!” Said Applejack.

Fluttershy just hid her head under the pillow.

“Hey, where is Pinkie Pie?” Asked Fluttershy

Rainbow dash said “You know how she is about pokemon games. She is like a pro at them! She probably has the Serebii.net page open and is locked up in her room in Sugar cube Corner.

“HEY PINKIE!” shouted Rainbow Dash as she flew into Pinkie’s window. “WANNA PLAY SOME POKEMON?”

“OOOOOOOOO I’D LOVE TO SO MUCH RAINBOW DASH! I JUST GOT IT AND IM SO SUPER EXCITED THAT I DIDN’T EVEN GO TO SLEEP LAST NIGHT IM JUST SO SUPER EXCITED TO PLAY IT!!”

The rest of the group trotted into Pinkie’s room and they played pokemon happily ever after. Everypony except Fluttershy. She eventually wrote a nice yet stern letter to the nice ponies over at Game freak complaining about the violent themes of the game.

Rarity's Parents

        “You think you'll be able to stay for dinner this time?”  Sweetie Belle asks, looking up expectantly at her big sister.

        Rarity stays silent.

        She stays silent all the way to the end of the dusty, gravel road.  

        It's still there, sitting under the old willow trees, surrounded by “decorative” wagon wheels, and old...bathroom fixtures crudely fashioned into planter boxes.  A dented pressed metal trailer.  Her home.  Her old home, that is.

        Her mother opens the door and waves them inside.  She hugs her daughters, and tells Sweetie Belle to go wash up for dinner.

        “Hello, Rarity,” she says.

        Rarity's expression is unreadable.  “Hello, mother.”

        She glances about the tiny trailer, dirty clothes and garbage strewn carelessly about and, as usual, sitting lazily on the couch, beer in hoof, she finds that unicorn.  

        “Hello...Lyra.”

        BonBon looks anxiously from Lyra, to her daughter, and back again, each glaring resentfully at the other.  “Will you be... staying for dinner, darling?  There's always plenty to go around...”

        “Of course not, Bonnie, she's too good for us, you know.”

        Rarity smirks.  “Oh, Lyra dear, I don't recall when you were ever considered part of us.”

        “Rarity, please,” BonBon looks at her with shimmering eyes.  “Um, you know, sweetie, we've finally saved up enough money, and I was... well, I was hoping that maybe you'd come with us to see grandmama in Flanders.  I know it's not Paris or anything but the countryside is so nice this time of year...”

        Lyra scoffs.

        At that moment, Rarity doesn't care about decorum or propriety.  She takes one look at Lyra's bitter, home-wrecking face and stomps out the door.

        BonBon calls out as she leaves, “Rarity...”

        Rarity doesn't even look back as she replies.  

        “Screw Flanders!”

Parents just don't understand

By: Kegisak

        As usual, Vinyl Scratch woke up late. She sighed, abandoning the hope of being able to see her mother before she left for work, and crawled out of bed to wash last night's grime out of her fur. While she was showering, however, and odd scent reached her nose.

        “...Waffles?” She asked out loud, confused. She finished her shower quickly, and made her way into the kitchen to find her mother at the stove.

        “Mom?” Vinyl asked in surprise, “I'm...sorry about being out late last night...but what are you still doing here? What about work?”

        “Morning sweetie,” He mother replied, moving a pair of waffles onto a place set at the table  with a bottle of syrup and a glass of milk, “I took today off, since I figured you'd spend yesterday out with your friends. I was your age once too, obviously.”

        Vinyl sat at the table, eyeing the waffles hungrily. “Are you sure?” She said jokingly, “I thought you were just born a mother?”

        “Har-de-har,” the older mare replied sarcastically, nudging her daughter as she walked past. She took a small wrapped package out of a bag, and put it down in front of her daughter. “Here,” she said, “Happy belated birthday.”

        Vinyl opened the package, wondering what the gift was, and found a pair of small knitted gloves, just big enough to fit the ends of her front legs. “Um, Thanks?” She said in confusion, “but...what are they?”

        “I made them myself,” Her mother proclaimed proudly, “I call them DJ Gloves. They're soft, so you wont damage you records with your hooves when you're scratching them, or whatever you call it.”

        Vinyl stared at the 'DJ Gloves', and then at her beaming mother. A grin spread across her face, and she burst out laughing. “Thanks, Mom,” she said, “They're great.”

Rainbow Dash sighed as she looked down on Popnyville from her cloud palace. It was another clear day, no stray clouds drifted from the Everfree Forest. In fact, there were no clouds in the sky at all. This struck Rainbow Dash as strange at first, but she shortly dismissed the thoughts, much rather enjoying a relaxing nap in her cloud. But after lying around all day, even Rainbow Dash got bored.

                Her eyes wandered slowly from house to house, silently pointing out the library, Sugarcube Corner, Sweet Apple Acres, and Carousel Boutique. All four of her friends were busy with other things, leaving Rainbow Dash alone and bored. She closed her eyes again, rolling over onto her back.

                “U..Um… Rainbow Dash?” A soft voice asked a few moments later.

                Rainbow Dash slowly opened one of her eyes to see the shy, yellow Pegasus hovering in front of her. Rainbow Dash let out a yawn before flipping back over and looking at Fluttershy, “What is it Fluttershy? Can’t you see I’m busy napping?” She didn’t intend to sound nearly as harsh as she did, it was just the way she talked.

                Fluttershy looked down for a moment, before glancing back up at Rainbow Dash, “I was… Just wondering if you weren’t busy… maybe we could hang out some…”

                Rainbow Dash tilted her head, giving Fluttershy a questioning look, surely the Pegasus had some sort of animal to take care of, so why would she want to hang out with Dash? “I, uh… I guess so..” Dash replied, unsure of what else to say.

                Fluttershy let out a sigh of relief, smiling at Rainbow Dash, and she couldn’t help but smile back. She didn’t know what the shy Pegasus had planned, but maybe today wasn’t going to be so boring after all.

“Trust, my darling, in me by your side...”

Forever your partner, forever your guide...

Know that your mine, to love and to hold...

Your light in the darkness, your warmth in the cold...”

The yellow Pegasus’ words faded, she often woke early and stood on the hills of Equestria, whispering the lullaby her mother used to sing, as she watched the sun rise.  She’d always convinced herself she liked being alone, that may have been the case once, but loneliness and isolation soon took a firm hold, driving her away from ponies who called themselves “friend” and leaving her to live with her animals. A tear welled in the Pegasus’ aqua eye, and drifted down her cheek, lingering on her chin.

 “Good Morning Fluttershy”

The sudden greeting made the Pegasus jump, turning to see the purple unicorn Twilight Sparkle and her faithful companion Spike trotting up to stand at her side. They both wore a smile as they came to enjoy the sun, but the joy soon faded.

“Fluttershy? Are you alright?”

The Pegasus gasped, realising her eyes were still margined with tears,

“Oh, Twilight, it-it’s nothing, the wind it...”

“You’re lonely aren’t you?” Twilight interrupted. Stunned by the bluntness, and accuracy of her words, Fluttershy took a moment’s pause before nodding gently, forcing her gaze away from Twilight’s deep purple eyes.

“Spike, why don’t you head over to Rarity’s and see if she needs help with anything, I need to talk to Fluttershy”.

As the small dragon departed, Twilight reached her hoof forward and brushed the flowing pink mane out of the gently weeping Pegasus’ eyes, holding the blushing, tear-streaked face level with her own.

“It’s okay...I’m here for you” edging her mouth forward, Twilight gently kissed, meeting their lips.

“Twi-Twilight?”

“Trust, my darling, in me by your side...”

Pinkie Sense Origins

Description: Pinkie Pie recalls the origin of her Pinkie Senses.  

Tags: Normal, Pinkie Pie, Applejack, Rainbow Dash, Derpy Hooves, Muffins, Origins

“Barometric pressure dropping at half a percent per minute, warm wind coming in from the west, tangible dampening of grass and mane, yes, I think all the signs are here.”  

Pinkie Pie’s tail twitched, her hoof shook, and her left hear flopped back and forth.  Her friend Applejack watched intently, and interpreted the signals right away.  

“Another storm comin’ our way, darlin’?”  

“Yup!” Pinkie replied, winking at her friend. “The Pinkie Pie senses are never wrong!”

“Well hayseeds!  I’d better get them barnyard critters inside pronto!  Y’all take care now, Pinkie!” Applejack said, as she trotted back towards Sweet Apple Acres.  

“Bye bye, Applejack!  Make sure you come back!” Pinkie called, waving to her friend.  

Once Applejack was out of sight, Pinkie Pie sat down behind the counter.  Every time she started showing off her “Pinkie Pie Senses”, one memory always drifted into her head.  

“Guys, guys!” The young Pinkie whinnied, kicking her legs in the air to get her friends’ attention.  “It’s gonna rain!  I can feel the barometric pressure dropping and-“

“Pinkie, do you mind?” The young Applejack gave her friend a stern look, while balancing a bucket of water on her head.  “I’m tryin’ ta’ get my cutie mark as an acrobat!”  

“C’mon Applejack, just a few more seconds for a new Ponyville record!” The young Rainbow Dash cheered her on.  

“But…but guys!  It’s gonna-“

Just then, the bell on the shop’s front door rang, as Pinkie picked herself up and smiled.

“Hey Derpy!  Good to see you again!  Here for your order of muffins?”

“Looks like a quarter ta’ bucket season!” The wall-eyed pony said, pushing a hoofful of bits to Pinkie.  

“Yeah, it’s going to be a real doozie.” Pinkie replied, while buckets of rain started to pour from the sky.  

After a talk with Rainbow Dash, Gilda decided to try and make amends with some of the ponies who might view her as a big meanie, so she reluctantly started working at the bakery, along with Pinkie Pie. Gilda worked the cash register, while Pinkie Pie did the baking.

"Here you go", Gilda said unenthusiastically, as she handed a tray of muffins to a customer. "How can anypony eat this garbage... I hate muffins."

"Hehehe, that's funny Gilda!", Pinkie laughed from behind her.

"What is?"

"Oh, like you don't know! Everypony loves muffins! You know what we say..."

Suddenly, everypony in the bakery said in unison, "The only ponies who don't like muffins, have never tasted one!"

"That's me... never had one, never will."

"Never had a muffin?! You've gotta have one right now!" She held a muffin up for Gilda to eat.

"Get that garbage out of my face!" Gilda yelled.

"If you try it, you'll love it!"

"Try one of those sugar-injected artery cloggers? Next I suppose you'll want me to go square dancing with Applejack."

"Sorry Applejack..." Pinkie said, as the disappointed pony clopped away. Then, turning back to Gilda, she continued, "C'mon, just half!"

"No!"

"A quarter?"

"No!"

"One bite?"

"Pinkie, how long are you prepared to keep this u-" Before she could finish her sentence, her talon was handcuffed to Pinkie's Hoof.

sigh, Gilda submitted. She took a tiny bite of the muffin and swallowed painstakingly.

"That.... was the most HORRIBLE excuse for a pastry I've ever eaten!" She yelled in disgust, and stormed off. Pinkie was disappointed she didn't like it, but at least she tried it. Deciding to cut her losses, the pink pony trotted home.

Early next morning, Pinkie came in to the bakery, only to find Gilda already there.

"Pinkie Pie?! What are you doing here?"

"I always come in at 3AM to count the rainbow sprinkles. What are you doing here?"

"I, um... uh"

"And why is the muffin vault open?"

"Oh, I thought, um..."

"And why are you holding a muffin behind your back?"

"I, I, uh, I...."

"And why are you acting so nervous? And why are you sweating so much? And why do you look so hungry?" Just then, a look of pure satisfaction came over the pink pony's face.

"Listen to me Pinkie, this is a big misunderstanding!"

 "...You like muffins ...don't you Gilda?", she asked with an enormous grin.

Suddenly, Gilda slammed the muffin vault door shut, locking herself inside. "Yes! I admit it! I looooove muffins!" She cried, and began shoveling countless treats into her mouth.

"Wait a minute Gilda, how many are you eating?!" She yelled through the door, but Gilda ignored her. "You can't eat all those muffins at one time! GILDAAAAAAAAA!"

"Please, what's gonna happen? Am I gonna blow up?"

"No, worse! It'll go right to your thighs! ...And then you'll blow up!"

*BOOM*

A Few Gears Loose

- Phynault

        “So what does that do?”

A young filly pointed her hoof to a gear whose movement was arrested intermittently by a claw-like part. The older pony looked over her shoulder.

“That, little apple blossom, is an escapement. It is what makes the seconds tick.”

The filly furrowed her brow in annoyance at the nickname she was given ever since she introduced herself to the pony last week.

“Doctor, I told you my name is Applebloom! ‘Apple blossom’ just sounds too fancy-like!”

The brown earth pony with the hourglass cutie mark chuckled at Applebloom’s little huff.

“Alright Applebloom,” he said smiling, “Now let me show you how the escapement helps regulate the rest of the assembly.”

It has been some years since the Cutie Mark Crusaders formed with the purpose of finding the symbols that would define their lives, and so far, their endeavors paid off . . . for Sweetie Bell and Scootaloo.

Even though two of its members succeeded, that did not spell the end of the CMC. Instead, it meant an increased fervor for its sole mark-less member to find her true calling, and that led her to the clock shop owned by “The Doctor”. She was told there may be something about his “time machines” that would prove useful.

Today, The Doctor was showing Applebloom the inner workings of a grandfather clock. Although the week was fascinating, she was certain this was not her true calling. Still, it was fun.

“Now, Applebloom, would you do the honor of resetting the weights?”

“Ya mean like this?”

She hastily grabbed the chain holding the weight and gave it a hard yank causing the gearbox assembly to drop and crash onto the floor scattering parts astray.

“Oops,” she sheepishly reacted to his shocked expression, “I didn’t mean to break your time machine . . .”

Sweetie’s Song

Author: Gunthor the Perilous

A little pony had wondered into the territory of the Froggy Bottom Hydra. Slowly, stealthily, four serpentine heads pulled themselves from the oozing bog. The hydra creeped up behind the foal as quietly as it could.

"This was an easy dare. I can't believe Scootlaoo and Apple Bloom were scared of this little old swa-." Sweetie Belle stopped speaking for a moment. Something wet had landed on her head. “That's odd, it wasn't drizzling or anything.” Looking up she only saw four rows of teeth, drool dripping off of them falling around her like a light rain.

The hydra was too cocky for it's own good. It could have eaten the pony then and there, but first it had to show off it's superiority. As its heads pulled back to unleash a bone shaking roar the little pony started making a sound. Quiet at first, then it grew in strength until the hydra was too enthralled to pull its attention away. It leaned its heads down closer so it could hear more.

Sweetie Belle was giving it her all. She heard from an old mare's tale that music soothed the savage beast and she was putting all of her hope into her ability.

As the little pony continued to sing the Hydra became more passive, eventually laying it's heads down on the mossy ground. It was not long before the large beast began to add it's own snoring to the little ponie's song.

"I can't believe that worked! I gotta get back to Ponyville!" The diminutive pony fled, as quick as she could, from the sleeping behemoth. That little foal would wake the next morning to find  her biggest wishes granted, a musical note shown off proudly from her flank.

“This meeting of the Legion of Pony-Pets will come to order,” said Angel. “Any new business?”

“My owner used me as a hat rack this morning,” said Opalescence. “I move to censure her.”

“That’s not fair!” said Winona. “We can’t just put a big black bar over Rarity! How will she see where she’s going?”

“For the last time, you ridiculous cur, that’s not what the word mea-”

“Order!” said Angel. “The chair reminds you that this body doesn’t actually have the authority to censure anyone. It’s merely a forum through which us pets can express our views.”

“My view is that we should be allowed to censure Rarity.”

“Noted,” said Angel. “Any business that isn’t completely stupid?”

“I think we should make Applejack president of this club!” said Winona. “I know she’s not a pet and also can’t understand us, but she’s so great! This morning I got her a stick she threw and she patted me on the head and called me good dog! And that was the happiest moment of my life.”

Angel rolled his eyes. “Last week the happiest moment of your life was the time she gave you a bone. And the week before, it was the time she kind of looked at you for half a second but was actually looking at something next to you.”

“I know! She’s so GREAT!” said Winona.

“Gummy!” Angel said. “You’re pretty quiet. Anything to add?”

Gummy stood, walked to the front of the room, and whispered:

“One day I will eat the world. Everyone will bleed and I will swim in it. You all have been chosen to witness my glorious coming. Rejoice. REJOICE!”

“That’s nice,” said Angel. “Okay, the chair moves that we invite Spike to the next meeting just to piss him off.”

Mr. Music was a stalion that liked his job.

As a owner to a record shop, you got to meet many different ponies.

Each pony with different music taste. After god some good breakfast.

( man, that pony who invented coffee need a price) he then goes down the stairs to unlock the door to his shop.

The bell made it's “Ding-Ding” noise when someone opened the door.

“Morning Scratch, looking for a new record to mix with heavy beat?”

Scratch, is Ponyville's local DJ.

“Do you have any”?

“Well... i got some records yesterday, and the one you maybe like is this one”.

He gave scratch a record. It was Vamdue Project – King of my castle.

“How much she asked?”

“Four coins”, she gave him four coins and went home to start doing some remixes.

The next one that come through the door was Big Mac.

Like always he says nothing just browsing around the records until he finds something that he likes.

“Eeyup, i take this one,”

It was the Animals - House of the rising sun

He payed four coins and then left the store.

It was pretty empty for a while until the door opened.

“Hi Derpy, need some help?”

Derpy was one of his little more special customer. ( because she was slightly dumb) She stood still for a few seconds. One of her eyes was bouncing.

“It is going to be snowing soon, so i want something white, fluffy.”

It was only Derpy that liked instrumental music. So Mr. Music looked around until he found one.

“I think you like this one. He gave her an record”

It stood The shadows - the snowman on it

“If you want. You can have it for free.”

Derpy stood there holding the record.

She then said “thanks” and stumble out.

Dear Princess Luna,

I hope you don’t think me too forward in sending you this message, but I was up late one night and saw a shimmering field of stars before my eyes. It made me realize the care and thought you put into the night, and I wanted to say thank you. I know you probably don’t hear this enough, but I really appreciate all your work.

It also made me realize that I have not been a very good friend to you, and for that I am deeply sorry. It has nearly been a year since the Nightmare Moon incident, and I haven’t even said a word to you since then. At first it was because I was still slightly intimidated by you, and then jealous.

Yes, you read right, jealous. You had something that I always longed for but could never receive, an older sister that would always love you, and be there waiting when you return. At one time I almost thought that Princess Celestia could be that to me, but she had another in her heart, and I had to accept that. I’m sorry, but I am such a foal.

However, as time passed, I grew to understand that I didn’t need the big sister figure around, not with my friends always there to help. In a way, Applejack and Rarity both seem to have filled that role, with me being such to Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash. As this realization sank in, I came to feel something new towards you, something I would have never expected.

I started to understand how it must have felt when you were trapped for those thousand years. I knew that isolation. I hope I can be your friend, and ease the pain.

Your friend (hopefully),

Twilight Sparkle

Continuation attempt: Letter from a Princess

Your Auntie Pinkie Pie

Description: Pinkie calls herself Fluttershy’s Aunt, but that’s just her being random…right?

Tags: Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy, Dr. Whooves, Derpy Hooves, Flutterguy, Applejack

Pinkie Pie carefully squeezed out the last bit of icing from the plastic tube, finishing off today’s batch of fresh cupcakes.  It was important to finish these cupcakes right away, because today was her friend Fluttershy’s birthday! She had always been very close to Fluttershy, above all her other pony friends, and Fluttershy always felt more comfortable around Pinkie, despite Pinkie’s gregarious nature.  

So the pink pony diligently applied the last swirl of icing to the cupcakes, not realizing that a large blue box had appeared behind her, out if which popped Dr. Whooves.  

Dr. Whooves and his travelling companion, Derpy, had important business to take care of in Sugarcube Corner, and hoped that Pinkie’s focus on her work would keep her from noticing the time machine behind her.  

They were gravely mistaken.  For one, it was right behind Pinkie Pie, and she nearly spilt her tray of cupcakes.  For another, the blue box almost immediately caught her interest.  She had NEVER seen anything like it before!  Immediately, she ran inside, marveling at the massive space inside of such teenie-weenie box.  She nudged a few things around with her nose, and suddenly felt as if the whole world outside was shifting.  

Poking her head out of the box, Pinkie was surprised to find that Sugarcube Corner had been changed.  All of her cooking equipment looked like antiques, but brand new antiques, as if they had just been bought yesterday.  And the store itself looked like it had just opened up a few weeks ago.  

She ran out of the kitchen, hoping that her party preparations were all still in place, but those thoughts faded from her mind when she saw…him.  

A Pegasus pony with a fine yellow fur and a reddish/pink mane had fluttered into the store, with the most handsome green eyes.  He saw Pinkie, smiled, and flew towards her.  

“Hello there, cutie.” He said with a voice smooth as silk.  “My name is Flutterguy.  I don’t think I’ve met you in Ponyville before…”  

~~~~~~~~~~~

Time is a strange thing, and by the time Pinkie had “returned” to the store, Applejack had already shown up to check on things.

“Everythin’ ready fer’ tha’ party, darlin’?”

Pinkie’s pink face flushed a deeper pink than usual, as she nodded to Applejack.  Everything was ready for Fluttershy’s birthday party.

After all, her Auntie Pinkie Pie would never let her down.  

Festival Moon, by PhantomFox

Description: With the Grand Galloping Gala approaching, Princess Celestia asks Twilight and her friends to help preform a critical mission

Tags: Princess Celestia, Luna, Twilight Sparkle

"Dear Twilight Sparkle, my most faithful student

I would like to commend you on your studies so far on the magic of friendship.  You have learned so much over the months with the help of your friends.  However, the time has come to put what you learned to use.  

Recently, I have become concerned about my little sister, Princess Luna.  After you freed her from the form of Nightmare Moon, she has stayed with me in Canterlot.  However, she has secluded herself away from everyone ever since her return.  When she does emerge, she never strays far from my side, despite my urgings otherwise.  It is my belief that she still feels guilty over her attempted usurpation as Nightmare Moon.  I have reassured her time and time again that I harbor no ill will towards her, and have forgiven her, which I believe gave her some comfort.  Regardless, as far as I can understand, she appears to believe that Equestria as a whole still fears her, and holds her prior actions against her.  

As you know, the Grand Galloping Gala begins in three days.  Princess Luna has become more despondent than ever with its approach, as everypony’s excitement only serves to heighten her own loneliness.   I would like to request that you and your friends come a little early, and put what you learned to the test.  More than ever, I believe Princess Luna desperately needs the power of friendship, and just as important, the power of forgiveness.  

Please help my little sister learn that what lies in the past is gone, and show her the true magic of friendship.  She needs it now more than ever.

Yours sincerely,

Princess Celestia"

Applejack sighed as she stared out the fogging window into the heavy evening rain.  Summer rains had always seemed like a blessing to the young pony, but on this night the sky shed mournful tears that cruelly cut the earth around the apple trees.

Applejack’s sister had not come home the past two nights, and all attempts to find her had proven hopeless.  Also missing were her friends, one of whose older sister had just left the apple residence after returning word of another unsuccessful search.

The pony’s hooves had quivered as she watched the horizon, but now they rested on the window pane as she sat in silence, head bowed.

“Don’t cry, Applejack.  Don’t cry you silly little filly!”

A tear fell as she remembered the words her friend had told her just two days before.

“Yeah, they were here Applejack, but I didn’t see them leave.  They must have left early while I was in the back room because when I came back they were gone!”  The three younger ponies had been helping Pinkie make confections to try to figure out what their special talents were.

Pinkie Pie!

Soon a smile drew across Applejack’s face as she remembered.  Pinkie had given her a fresh box of delicious Sugarcube Corner taffy to console her, which now rested under one of her hooves. She undid the ribbon around the box and feasted her eyes upon the colorful treats.  Which to choose?

An orange one.

A purple one.

A white one.

Applejack finally decided on the bright glowing yellow piece, a ray of sunshine in the dark night.  The taffy reminded of her friends, their kindness, loyalty, and generosity, and gave her new hope.  She rested easy in the sound of the rain.

The taffy was her favorite.

It was apple flavored.

Rainbow Dash was being hunted.

She stepped through the forest, head low, trying to keep her hoofsteps as quiet as possible. It was difficult, she was never really one for stealth, the patience required not being her strong point. Her brightly coloured mane certainly didn't help either.

Don't worry Dash, you'll be fine, because you're totally awesome, and awesome ponies always triumph in the end. Smirking with newfound determination, she lifted her head a bit, continuing forward...

...and stepped on a twig, breaking it in half.

She could swear the dry snap echoed for miles.

A sudden beating of wings made Dash curse inside her head and quickly fly forward, dropping any pretense of stealth. Zig-zagging between trees, she dared not look behind at her pursuer, worried that the moment of hesitation would be all she needed to catch up.

The edge of the woods came into view and Dash let out a cry of triumph, certain she was finally home free. Her cry shifted from triumph to terror when her pursuer suddenly collided into her, claws digging into her pelt, the two of them tumbling through the air and out of the woods...

“Dang it!”

Gilda laughed as Dash flailed in frustration, her claws still wrapped around the pegasus. “Sweet tree dodging, dude, but I caught you fair and square!”

Dash quit struggling and sighed with a smirk. “Heh, I guess. Way to go, G.”

Gilda released her friend, letting her roll onto the ground beside her. The pegasus, too exhausted to move away from the griffin, just closed her eyes and relaxed.

“...hey, Dash?

“Mn, yeah?”

“...you’re my best friend.”

Rainbow Dash opened her eyes to see Gilda’s sheepish face, and couldn’t help but smile at her.

         “You’re my best friend too.”

Rainbow Dash sat in the dark, her face illuminated only by her dimly lit cigarette in her mouth, and the computer screen just inches from her face. Pinkie Pie walked from the bedroom towards Rainbow Dash.

“Rainbow, when are you gonna come to bed? It’s like 1 in the morning er something.”

“Pinkie please, I’m writing my novel right now and I really feel that I’m on the verge of a breakthrough of some sort.”

“You mean your Ninja Pony Melodrama thingy?”

“If you’re referring to ‘The Tale of Khan Van Colt’, then yes.”

Pinkie Pie inhaled the excess smoke from Rainbow’s cigarette. “I wish you wouldn’t smoke in the house.”

“WELL I WISH YOU WOULDN’T LET GUMMY SLEEP IN THE DAMN BED!!”  shouted Rainbow Dash, starring at Pinkie with bloodshot eyes.

“Don’t yell at me!” said Pinkie, “And another thing, your drinking, it’s getting way outta hand. Now I don’t mind the occasional shot, but look at all these empty bottles and cigarette packs!”

“Look, Pinkie, this is just a rough phase an-”

“That’s what you’ve said for the past 2 months! I want to believe you, but I’m not sure anymore...”

“God, your no fun anymore, where’s the random pony I once knew?”

“She’s still here!” assured Pinkie. “But now she’s going to stay at Twilight’s for the night.”

“Fine! Whatever! I don’t need you!”

Pinkie Pie grabbed Gummy and galloped out of Rainbow’s home. Rainbow Dash looked at the door, then at the floor, and at all the empty packs and bottles.

“I guess these are my friends now,” Rainbow thought to herself.

She paused then fell to her knees , “If this is friendship...Then where’s the magic?!!?!?”

She then looked at the left of the stage, Twilight whispering, “Were still below 300, just improv a little.”

“Sister Celestia!”

The white Pegasus-unicorn rose from her bed. Her sister, Luna, stood next to her bed, an alarmed look on her face.

        “What is it, dear Luna?”

        “The sky! I didn’t notice it until just now, but—you must see!”

        The grey-purple pony hurried from the room, her white sister following closely behind. Through their castle they went to a great balcony, from which they could overlook most of Canterlot. Luna spread her wings and took to the sky, beckoning for Celestia to follow.

        They soared upwards through the night sky, the stars twinkling between the gray clouds. The moon shone brightly through the darkness, but everything below appeared to be normal to the elder princess.

        “Sister Luna, what is wrong?” Celestia asked, slowing to hover next to the younger pony. Her mane and tail flowed steadily in the air, but almost tentatively. She could feel that something was off about the night sky.

        “There!” Luna said, pointing into the darkness below.

        At first, she could see nothing. Soon, however, Celestia began to make out a bubble-like shape in the air. In fact, it was not only one, but several shapes, drifting slowly upward, clumping up and separating—almost like one of the mesmerizing lava lamps she had once received as a gift. These shapes were transparent and dark purple, and as they ominously rose up, Celestia couldn’t help but be reminded of something. If only she knew what!

        As she racked her mind to try to recall what it was, Luna hesitantly asked, “I-is it a… a leak?”

        A leak?

        Suddenly, the white princess remembered exactly what it was. “Sister… it has been many years… but I think you might be right.”

        Princess Celestia closed her eyes solemnly. “I hope Equestria is prepared for this evil…”

Crack In The Ice

Pimps McGee

Description: Watch out for the thin ice.

Velvet Pie, who just a day before became a proud father, looked back upon Ponyville while Spring descended on it. He turned back to his last pond of the day, a adequately sized thing that bordered on the edge of the discomforting Everfree Forest, he had always hated this pond. The tall-tales rumored of how many ponies have lost their lives in it, as though something seemed to pull ponies under and keep them there.

However, a job is a job and Velvet wanted to make haste of this vile pond. As he set skate on ice a small crack began to form, which he ignored and simply moved on not wanting to waste time with precautions. He went with a speed skating type of routine, instead of his typical graceful manner, for a quicker clean-up. He made his rounds, becoming more and more of a smudge to the surrounding world. The tiny crack grew in size with each pass, for Velvet though, the ice, along with the rest of the world, was just gray blur as he sped around. The crack increased and crossed his scored path, and as he passed over it for his final lap, the ice gave with a lurch and his back left hoof sank into the freezing waters.

The sudden shift of stability and pain caused the now panicking stallion to stumble onto to the ice, which couldn't maintain the new force it was put under and shattered below the screaming pony. Velvet was muffled as his head submerged underneath the ice water, he attempted to swim back to surface but his skates weighed him down like concrete. By the time he got them off it was too late the cold had gotten to him, and the world grew dim in his eyes.

Note: This is a knock-off---I mean rip-off----I mean PARODY of another popular fanfiction.  Yeah, that's right.  Parody.  We'll go with that.

Fluttershy opened the library door.  "Twilight, you'll never believe what I found in the Everfree Forest!  It's so cute!"  Twilight walked over and saw Fluttershy holding a naked human on a leash.  "Wow, that's adorable!" said Twilight in awe.  "I know!" replied Fluttershy.  "He's smart, too!  I almost think he understands us!"

"Help...me..." said the human.  "He's trying to talk!"  said Twilight.  "That's so precious!"  "My name is Carl..." said the human.  "If only we could understand him."  said Fluttershy.  "There was a portal...and flashing lights..." said the human.

Pinkie Pie walked into the library.  "What's up, everypony?" she asked.  "Fluttershy found another amazing creature!" replied Twilight.  "Cool!" said Pinkie.  "If you want, I can neuter him for you!"  Pinkie Pie took a butcher knife out of her pocket.  "Oh, that would be wonderful!" said Fluttershy.  "Please, I just want to know where I am..." said the human.

"Should I do it now?" said Pinkie.  "Sure!" saidn Fluttershy, not being squeamish because clever fanfiction writing can bypass the pre-written universe laws.  Pinkie started polishing her knife in anticipation.  The human knew he only had one shot at getting out of this.  "Neigh." he said. "HOLY SHIT THAT MOTHERFUCKING ANIMAL CAN TALK" shouted Twilight.

On a seemingly normal day in Ponyville, Rainbow Dash is clearing the clouds as usual. Though today, Rainbow is feeling adventurous.

“Applejack? Nah. Fluttershy? Too sensitive. Pinkie? Too soon. Rarity? A little mean. Twilight? PERFECT!”

She sees her reading on the park bench. She zips from cloud to cloud until she is on a cloud looming just above Ms. Sparkle.

“Twilight has no idea what’s about to happen!,” whispers Rainbow to herself. “She’s just reading another dumb book!”

She makes her move! She dashes over and tackle-hugs twilight as hard-soft as she can. She then lays her hooves over her eyes and whispers “Guess who?”

A grin falls upon twilight’s face and she relaxes.

“You had me worried for a moment. I was just in the middle of a scary story!”

“Awe, I’m sorry. I know a way to make it better.” She says with a semi-nefarious grin.

“Oh you do, do you?” Twilight coyly replies.

Rainbow Dash begins to slowly nibble her ear and horn.

“Oh, Rainbow! Not here! People can see us!”

Rainbow looks all around and sees that no one is paying them heed. She quickly runs over to the nearest bush and waves her over. She grins and follows suit.

In the bush they begin passionately kissing each other and stroking each other’s manes tenderly. Both of their eyes locked in passion when they both simultaneously bump into this strange creamy substance. They turn and much their surprise, they see Pinkie Pie with cupcakes and cream smeared  on various suggestive body parts. Not too far away is Rarity with a very nervous and embarrassed look on her white visage.

“Um... we go the other way and never talk about this again?”

“Yep.”

“You two have fun.”

“Same to you.”

They both find new bushes. The end.

        With a burst of white energy, sparks flew.  She was running down a steep hill, splashing through the brook at the bottom-

        A flicker of white-

        She shot white sparks from her horn again and was suddenly across the field, at the edge of the forest.  But the white vanished in its own sparkling blast.  She flickered out and then was deep in the forest, skidding to a stop in the glade.  She looked, she listened, she twisted around for some sign of her quarry.

        A burst of white through the trees.  There!  She vanished, reappeared further into the forest, this time catching a glimpse of white hooves beating the earth, but they were gone in a burst of light.  She jumped up, a purple blur, and her horn glowed.  It was time to change tactics.

        She galloped over fallen trees and under low-hanging branches, avoiding them all with elegance and poise.  She kept her eyes, as always, peeled for purple, her horn alert for tremors in space that marked the use of magic.  A branch broke overhead.  She looked up, seeing a falling shadow.  Reacting instantly, her horn glimmered, and she disappeared.  Yet deeper in the wild woods, no sooner had she caught her bearings than she heard hoofbeats in the distance.  She winked out again, but reappearing in a clearing she still heard the hooves!  Where were they coming from?

        Looking about, she noticed a hill crowned with old ruins rising up over the forest.  She focused her mind on it and channeled her magic.  Her horn glowed, and sparked, and she disappeared.

        Rarity winked into existence on top of the old stones, covered in moss and strange runes.  She was surely safe here.

        White sparks erupted beside her.

        Twilight Sparkle tapped Rarity lightly on the forehead with her hoof.  “Tag,” she said.  “You're it.”

Holy Potassium!

The brown colt with a sack clenched in his teeth bowed to the Princess. She gladly welcomed him back from his trip.

“How was your trip, Doctor?” Princess Celestia asked him as he arose from his bow.

        “It was wonderful, your highness,” he responded politely. After all, she was the princess.

        “That’s wonderful!” Celestia laughed. “Did you happen to bring me anything?” She knew that he would always bring her a present from his travels, for he was quite a generous soul, and he just loved to bring her gifts.

        “Of course, Princess! I would never forget a gift for any dear friend of mine!,” he chuckled, as he placed his sack before Celestia. It fell open to reveal several plump, yellow, crescents. “I hope you enjoy it.”

        The Princess looked on at the shapes, grateful, but confused. “Thank you very much, but.. What are these?” she questioned.

        “Why, they’re bananas!” he replied. “These are delicious, exotic fruits. You peel them open, and eat the inside. Just don’t eat the peel.”

Celestia pondered it for a moment, then taking the one, she peeled it with telekinesis and took a tiny nibble.

        “This is.. Fantastic! It’s so soft, fruity, and delicious! Pardon me asking, but do you have any more?” she asked.

“Of course,” he responded. He took several more out of his saddlebag, and gave them all to Celestia.

******************

Twilight had just finished organizing the library when Spike received a letter from the Princess.

Dear Twilight,

        I have discovered a treat I feel I must share. I hope you enjoy my gift!

~Princess Celestia

        As the last word was read, a banana appeared. Spike handed Twilight the banana, who bit the yellow rind. She spit it out in disgust, just as Spike got a new letter.

P.S. Try not to eat the peel!

The once bustling town of Ponyville burned, buildings being swept into the night wind as they turned to ash.

 Spike licked the last remnants of pony blood from his maw and took off towards Canterlot. A short flight later, he approached the mountainside city.

Landing on a massive balcony that protruded from Canterlot’s castle, Spike turned towards the lone figure that sat opposite of him. Faint sobs could be heard as he approached the shadow.

“Is something wrong, Princess Twilight?” Spike asked with a sincere voice.

“I…. I didn’t want for it to have to end this way…” Twilight whispered.

“It’s how it HAD to end.” He said softly. “The residents of Ponyville were rebellious traitors that sought to overthrow your perfect rule! They refused to listen to reason!”

Twilight turned to her old friend, tears rolling down her face.

“What would Princess Celestia say? What about all of my old friends? What would they all think of what I have done?” She asked.

“They would share your sorrow, but with understanding. They would realize that what you ordered me to do was a necessity. There is nothing wrong with your rule, and rebellion for no reason cannot be tolerated.”

Ceasing her crying, Twilight nodded, then rose to her hooves.

“Thank you Spike. I... need to sleep.” The princess said, trotting back into the castle.

“Goodnight.”  Spike said as he lied down on the cool balcony.

‘This was the beginning of the end’, Spike thought, his mouth watering as his mind filled with pony blood. He had turned Twilight so paranoid that she would burn PONYVILLE to the ground! What other delicacies awaited him in the future? Fillydelphia? Stalliongrad!? Spike culled his thinking, reminding himself to be patient as he drifted into sleep with pony meat flowing through his dreams.

Derpy's Homecoming

By SorcerousHorserus

Derpy couldn't believe what she was doing. She never thought that she could ever bring herself to return to her hometown of Ferrier, Mane, but here she was. The place had terrified her as a filly.

"Maybe I really am the idiot everypony says," Derpy thought fearfully as she watched the gloomy little town from her hotel window. "Why did I ever agree to do this, again?"

As her thoughts drifted to the past, her bad eye drifted inward. Memories flooded through her mind; memories she desperately wanted to forget and bury away. She had fought so hard to hide the memories from herself, attempting to conceal them behind a false mask of serene bliss. What she had seen in this town as a filly had troubled her so deeply that she was never quite right. She was never happy. How could she be, when the darkness of her past followed her everywhere? Derpy thought she could escape by travelling as far away as her wings could take her, but no. It had even found her in Ponyville.

She wasn't alone. Lyra and Bon-Bon had grown up in Ferrier, too. They had seen it. Just like Derpy, they had been tormented by it and fled to Ponyville as soon as they were old enough. Derpy wondered how they managed to live with it, or whether they still woke up at night, drenched in a cold sweat and about to scream...

Derpy was startled back to reality when she caught sight of something on the street below. Something pink. Derpy struggled frantically to focus her vision but the overwhelming fear made it nearly impossible. She could hear dry, vile laughter.

The creature on the street suddenly came into focus. Derpy was paralyzed with horror as it opened a twisted mouth full of sharpened teeth.

"Want a muffin, little Derpy? Pinkiewise the Clown remembers how much you love them."

        You can do this Lyra...You can do this!

        Lyra's heart pounded in her chest. She felt dizzy, and nauseous. More than anything else in the world, she wanted to go home, hide under her covers, and do...anything. Anything but this.

        I could...I should be practising! She thought, mentally bargaining with herself, for my recital! Yeah! It's only...a month away...She pawed the ground anxiously. Telling her parents had been easier than this...

        “Mom, Daddy?” She had said to them as she trotted into the living room, “Can I talk to you about something?” The apparently single figure sitting in her father’s favourite chair lowered the newspaper that obscured it’s face, revealing not one, but two ponies, both of whom smiled expectantly at their nervous daughter.

        “Of course, Lyra,” Her mother said, “what's did you need to talk about?”

        “Well,” Lyra answered awkwardly, “I've been thinking...and I needed to tell you something. Just...try and keep and open mind, okay?” her parents simply nodded, exchanging a look that was both concerned, and knowing. Lyra continued, “Okay... It's... I...”She closed her eyes tight and leaned backwards, as if expecting some sort of out lash, and told her parents her secret. “I'm gay,” She said to them, “I like mares.” There was a brief pause, then her father spoke.

        “Oh.” He said, rather anticlimactically, “Is that all?”

        “We kinda figured it out, dear,” Her mother said, “All those posters of  Sapphire Shores were a bit of a giveaway.”

        “You can't like her for her music, after all,” He father added jokingly, “Have you told your friend Bon Bon yet?”

        “Not yet,” Lyra admitted, “I was gonna do it tomorrow...”

        “Lyra? LYRA!” The shout interrupted Lyra's memory, causing her to leap into the air, crying out and scattering the pile of papers she had held in her mouth.

        “Good goddess, Lyra,” Bon Bon exclaimed, being showered in papers, “I'm sorry I scared you! I've been trying to catch you all day, I wanted to ask you something!”

        “Ask me something?” Lyra asked, hyperventilating a tiny bit, “Ask me what?”

        “I was thinking, we've been friends for, what? A year or two now? But we don't hang out outside of school much, so...I was kinda wondering...did you want to get dinner this weekend? Like...a date?” She saw her mint-coloured friends dumbfounded expression, and started to backpedaled, panicking, “BUT if you don't want to that's cool too, I mean, I didn't know if you felt the same way but we can still be friends right? Lyra? LYRA! You're not breathing!”

        A small, breathless, “Yes!” Was all Lyra managed to squeak out, before she fainted.

Big Macs Bigger Debt

“You don’t want to let me down do ya Mac? You’ll have those bits by weeks end won’t ya?”

A stone faced Earth pony stood before Big Mac and Caramal Apple in the dimly lit barn. Hard lines cut into his face which were obscured by the heavy black wireframed glasses resting on his snout.

“O’ course Red Top, we’ll scrounge up them bits right Carm?” Mac murmered fretfully.

        “Y-Yes, of course”

“OF COURSE FRIGGEN OF COURSE! Wasn’t asking I was telling,” interjected Red Top, yellowed teeth glinting as he spoke. “After that day passes it’ll be your family, startin’ with the girls. The pigs’ll finish what the dogs don’t do.”

“We’ll get them bits you decrepit monster…” muttered Caramal a little too loudly.
        “Mac your lady friend got a voice? Well speak up sweetheart you’ve got to repeat that.”

Mac shot Caramal an urgent look and he backed down. “Can it will ya Carm? This ain’t easy fer us both and we’re here ‘cause of you ya remember?”

Red Top walked over to his caged hounds, prodding them with an iron poker.

“You don’t want to get bitten now do ya?”

        “No sir Red Top…Carm here is just a might nervous is all.”

“I don’t care if he’s nervous, although if I was in his horseshoes I could see nervous when your indebted 400 bits.”

Big Mac shifted on his feet “Can ya give us a break? It’s not easy getting that money so easy…”

Red Top turned and violently tossed the poker at Caramal, putting a deep slash down his thigh.

“NO YOU PRATS! Get my money by week’s end. This is my final warning. You are treading thin ice my pedigree chums, and I shall be under it when it breaks. Now trot off.”

The Secret Life of Twilight Sparkle

by Lord of the Wrongs

The master assassin Al-Twiïr drew her billowing white cloak around her as she crouched on a rooftop, glancing from her scroll to the figure far below her. There was no mistake – it was undeniably her target. She rolled up the scroll and began to stalk him down the street, pacing him from the rooftops. A convenient alleyway offered inconspicuous passage to the ground, and the throngs gave her ample cover to close in on him from behind. He had yet to notice her presence, and he never would.

Her muscles tensed in anticipation. With one flick of her hoof, her concealed blade would spill his life-blood. The city guard would be summoned within seconds, but their efforts would be clumsy and futile; Al-Twiïr would vanish before her victim hit the ground. Just a few more inches...

*        *        *        *

Spike jumped and spun around. “Yikes! Oh, it’s you. You startled me!”

“I’m so sorry to track you down on your day off, Spike. I just wanted to ask if you could do me an itty-bitty favor and send this scroll to Princess Celestia.”

“Sure, Twilight. No problem.” He blew green fire on the scroll and the smoke drifted off toward Canterlot.

“Thank you!” That errand run, Twilight Sparkle pranced on down the street toward the cake shop.

*        *        *        *

The secret agent strode across the ballroom and took the hoof of the lovely pink pony in the lollypop-themed gown. “Good evening, my dear. My name is Barned – James Barned. May I have this dance?” She flashed her best heart-melting grin. The other mare gave her an unimpressed smirk, but assented. As they waltzed across the floor, her partner, Miss Moneypinkie, leaned close to murmur in her ear. “Business first, James. We believe that URSA is planning to steal the crown jewels...”

Filly Fright Night

By SorcerousHorserus

                    Yellow and orange leaves fell gently past the windows of the Cutie Mark Crusader's clubhouse. The three fillies were gathered inside.

                    "Empty sacks?" Applebloom asked.

                    Sweetie Belle nodded. "Check!"

                    "Trick-or-treating map?"

                    "Check!" Scootaloo cried, examining their planned route. She was happy that her crayon-drawn map of Ponyville was still getting some use.

                    "Costumes?"

                    The three fillies looked at each other in a moment of awkward silence. Who was supposed to be in charge of the costumes again?

                    "Great. Just great." Applebloom groaned. "Today is Halloween and we don't even have costumes!"

                    "What about the costumes Sweetie Belle made for the talent show?" Scootaloo said with a grin. "Those were pretty scary."

                    Sweetie Belle rolled her eyes.

                    "Ah know!" Applebloom exclaimed excitedly. "Why don't we ask Rarity?"

                    "Rarity said she's busy today." Sweetie Belle muttered. Then, with a twinge of sadness, "Just like always."

                    "How about Fluttershy? She knows how to sew!" Applebloom suggested.

                    "I want my costume to be SCARY!" Scootaloo said. "Fluttershy would probably make us into ballerinas or bunnies or something."

                    The crusaders sat on the clubhouse floor for a few moments, thinking. "Twilight Sparkle!" They cried suddenly in unison.

                    "She has that book about ghosts and stuff!" Scootaloo said. "She knows what's scary."

                    "I bet she could turn us into real monsters!" Added Sweetie Belle. "We wouldn't even need costumes!"

                    "Yeah!" Applebloom exclaimed, nodding eagerly. "Ah'm sure she'll help if we ask politely. And if that doesn't work, we can resort to the puppy-eyed stare. Nopony can resist!"

                    The three fillies clopped their hooves together in agreement. "Cutie Mark Crusader Halloween costume mission! Yay!" They yelled. Together, they galloped into town toward Twilight Sparkle's library.

 *        *        *

                    That night the crusaders gathered once more in their clubhouse.

                    "Maybe that wasn't such a great idea." Scootaloo sighed, realistic blood dripping from her vampire fangs.

                    "You think?!" A transparent Sweetie Belle snapped in an ethereal voice. "Half of Ponyville is trying to hunt us down!"

                    Zombie Applebloom gazed sadly at the empty sacks with rotten eyes. "And we didn't even get any candy."

The Great and Powerful Trixie stood proudly upon a cliff high above a mass mindless pony followers, her perfectly trimmed tail and billowing cape flowing in the wind.  A small tinge of pity for the hoard below was quickly snuffed out by the realization that no creature could possibly match her excellence, it wasn’t their fault that she was just...superior.  Flawless genetics and years of tireless practice had honed the ultimate conduit of pure unicorn power.

“BEHOLD!” she shouted, causing everypony below to look up in awe,  “The Great and Powerful TRIXIE in all of her electrifying majesty has ARRIVED!”

An eruption of dazzling fireworks and lightning bolts lit up the night sky, followed by the thunderous sound of thousands of stamping hooves and cheering equines.  Trixie illuminated the entire cliff face with a soft purple glow.  The magical light accented her impeccable coat.  

“Simpletons of Equestria!” She exclaimed, with her most powerful vocal enhancement spell, “The Great and Powerful Trixie is about to ROCK YOUR WORLD!”

Unknown to Trixie,  the ground below her was weakening from the constant vibrations of the excited crowd below.  Completely absorbed in her magic, she failed to notice the small splinter of broken earth creeping up the side of her earthen platform.  

Right as she was about to reach the climax of her epic Ursa Major VS Dragon light show in the sky above, a massive shift jarred her out of concentration.  Before she could even register what was happening, the entire cliff face gave way,  cascading freely toward the valley far below.  Flashes of her past flickered through her mind, as the ground rushed toward her...

***

She woke up, tangled in sheets on the floor next to the bed.

“Ugghh... Dammit Trixie!”, the purple mare glared down at her blue counterpart on the floor “This is the third time this week! Can’t we have just ONE night of uninterrupted sleep?”